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Feeling stuck

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  • October 18, 2017 at 6:26 am #173663
    L99
    Participant

    Hello. I had a relationship for 4 years with a girl of my dreams. In the last couple of months before our breakup we had a lot of silly fights that were repeating over and over again. We had some issues but I thought that it wasn’t that serious. I went on vacation for a week, and my partner (ex partner) started seeing someone. When I came back she told me that she had feelings for him. Then she told me that it was purely platonic. She started telling me what she liked in this new person – voice, arms, such things. She was with him at evenings and then was coming back home to me. I was histerical, of course. Tried to stay calm but it was getting out of control. She started texting me less, was with this new person everyday at work and after work. Then she asked for a break. A week after that (she didn’t want to see me, to hear from me, barely texted me) I broke up with her. She said that I loved her not as much as she wanted me to… and, believe me, I did literally anything she wanted, tried to be romantic and cared for her even during that hell-month. She wanted to stay friends – texted me, we had a fight. Then texted me again. Tried to call me. After a month of no contact she called again. I didn’t pick up. I messaged her, asking if something happened and if she was okay. She said ‘forget it’.

    I know that on the first week after our breakup they already told each other ‘I love you’. I know that they together and it’s tearing me apart. I can’t stop thinking of them being together, every damn evening. It’s been 1,5 months after our breakup and I feel like I can’t move on. I go to work, go to university at evenings, try to talk to my friends, but I have no motivation and no desire to forget her. All I want to do is get back with her. I was the happiest human on earth these past 4 years.

    When I was a kid I believed that you have to fight for what you love. I’m 21 now and I think I still believe in this thing. Should I fight for her? We were best friends for 6 years, knew each other since we were in school (10 years ago).

    I won her one time, 4 years ago. I showed her how much I cared for her.

    Is it worth to fight? To show it again?

    October 18, 2017 at 9:03 am #173731
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear L99:

    You wrote: “We had some issues but I thought that it wasn’t that serious”- how early in the four year relationship did those issues come up and what were they?

    You asked: “Is it worth to fight?”- depending perhaps on the nature of those issues, issues that may have been serious.

    anita

    October 18, 2017 at 5:51 pm #173813
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi L99,

    It’s hard to say, because on one hand, she says she loves she loves this other man, and when someone is in love, fighting for them, is almost useless unfortunately. However, some time has passed, and she may no longer be with this man. She did try to reach out to you. I believe she wanted more than frienship, because you can’t just be “friends” with someone after four years. Also when she said “forget it” seems to me, she was expressing some type of disapointment with not being contacted, so the feelings may still be there.

    Just be careful if you do get back with her because she hurt you deeply and she can do it again. One day out of the blue, she may say she is seeing another man, meaning she is not emotionally available for a committed relationship at this time. It wouldn’t hurt to ask her out for a drink or coffee and see how things play out. I hope it all works out.

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