Dear Elliot8:

First thing to do is stop the panic, de-escalate the fear. You are not in immediate danger. You can take a deep breath. Calm down best you can. Take a brisk walk outside, in the cold, a hot cup of tea. Relax best you can. Reasonable thinking is not possible when under the influence of.. escalating fear.

When calm, consider this: you have made decisions based on what society considers the right choosing- more money. You have to fit your decisions to who you are, to how you operate, not to society’s expectations. You have been bullied earlier in your life, I understand. The distress you experienced then is activated when you deal with work place bullies or rude people at work. The distress you experience is greater than it would have been if you didn’t experience earlier life bullying.

You have to take this into consideration when making decisions, this is what I mean by fitting your decisions to who you are, to how you operate. You need a work place environment where you do not come in contact with rude people. Others may be able to take it, maybe even thrive in it. Not you.

At this point, have some empathy for yourself. You have been trying so hard and for so long, with best intentions. It is time to try… wiser, not harder.

Let me know, if you will, what you think of my reply so far, and I will reply again.

anita