Dear Ben:

Your confusion following breaking up with him started, reads to me,  when he “rang (you), really upset, in tears,  and (your) heart really felt for him”. If so, it is empathy that you felt for him and likely guilt, feeling responsible for his distress.

Empathy is not enough of a motivation, by itself, to restart the relationship. After all, you feel empathy for other people but will not be in an intimate relationship with them, correct?

And guilt, it is a strong motivator, but is often unjustified, that is, people don’t do wrong and feel they did do wrong. So, challenge that guilt, if you feel it. Is it justified? Did you do wrong?

anita