Home→Forums→Relationships→I cant be with someone I love because I'm just from average family :(
- This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 7 years ago by Inky.
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November 26, 2017 at 6:53 am #179433JasmineParticipant
Almost 5 years ago, I started my beautiful relationship with my boyfriend. He is my first love my bestfriend, and he is a very loving person, therefore I love him very very much. After approx. 1 year of our relationship, his father started to force my boyfriend to cut off the relationship with me. My boyfriend has tried to convience his father many times that he was in love with me and also I even have not met him in person not even once, but his father was to logical that everything that affects him and family should come first more than his feeling. His father was so against me because I am just average while he is from wealthy family. He said to my boyfriend that one day I will burden him because of this. The truth is that I dont even bother about his wealth. I just want to be with him and anyway my family can still support me so I never do anything that burden him at all. As we both cannot accept this but he had to break up with me because of some threats that his father gave to him, he broke up with me in front of his parents but he still in relationship with me “behind the scene”. For more than 3 years, we cover up this relationship from his father and hoping that we can fight this together until we are both successful enough in our carreer and his father will accept me eventually. However, a few months ago, my boyfriend started to feel guilty about this and he said that his family has done too much for him that he could not “betray” or against his family in the end because of this relationship. At the same time, he was also feel guilty for me because I am getting older, as a woman it will be more difficult for an old woman to search for new relationship that old man right? At that moment, I really do not know what to do. As I love him so much, I convinced him to stay and fight for this. And we both agreed that we set 6 years from now is the limit for us to fight for this relationship (I’m 20 btw fyi). But a few days ago my sister gave an advice to me that my relationship cannot be like this. My family will not be different significantly in 5 years and therefore his father actually has to accept me for me not because of my family. My sister said it is better for me to end this or fight in front of his father’s face. Maybe talk to him or do something. When I told this to my boyfriend, he said at this moment when we dont have anything, he doesnt want me to do something (talk or meet his father) since his father can go crazy and does something that can hurt me so much. He said it is like we are fighting in a battle field without armor and weapons and just waiting for us to get shot right in the heads. As we talked more, we kind of agreed that this relationship cannot be like this. He has to lie to his parents all the time and at the end he wont be able to fight against me if his father says “no”. At the same time, my family wont change to be wealthy in 5 years and I have to stay in very uncertain situation in the relationship. So we broke up yesterday and said to each other if we are meant to be together, eventually in the future destiny will bring us back at the right time and situation. But this is very difficult for me to accept the truth that I just lost the person I love that has been there with me for more than 4 years, not because of us but because of his father that even judge me before he knew me. Can you give me some advice on this? Did I take a bad decision? Is it ok if i’m still hoping that I can be with him someday in better timing? Thank you and sorry for the very long sad story
November 26, 2017 at 7:58 am #179471AnonymousGuestDear Jasmine:
You wrote that you and your boyfriend hid your behind-the-scene relationship from his father “hoping that we can fight this together until we are both successful enough in our careers and his father will accept me eventually“-
If the aim of the plan was for the two of you to become financially independent so to not need his father’s money and so, to be able to start your own family without his help, then the plan would make sense to me. But the aim of your plan was that his father will accept you eventually- that doesn’t make sense to me because his father is not likely to change his mind about you.
His father does not read like a reasonable person or a loving person who will re-consider his position. He made threats, you wrote, against his own son- a loving father does not do that. His father does not care about his son’s feelings- again, this is not the attitude of a loving father. Your boyfriend said that “his father can go crazy and does something that can hurt (you) so much”- this is again, an indication that his father is not a reasonable person likely to reconsider his sentiment about you.
Reads to me that his father values power over his son and is likely to hold on to his position. Changing his position would be weakness, in his own mind. I don’t think his father would risk appearing weak by changing his position later on.
Your boyfriend feels loyalty toward his father. And so, it is probably best for you to remain broken up. As loving as your boyfriend has been to you, unfortunately, his father is part of his makeup, part of his person.
I agree with your sister’s advice- his father is indeed very unlikely to change his position about you.
anita
November 26, 2017 at 9:05 am #179473InkyParticipantHi Jasmine,
You are both still very young, 20, correct? College age. View this boy as your “starter” relationship. He is not old enough, bold enough, or independent enough to stand up against “Daddy”. Frankly, the only time his parents should meet you or know of you is when they receive wedding invitations. And then it would be too late to have an opinion.
Is his father threatening to withhold his inheritance? Where does he think this wealthy future daughter-in-law will come from? It is statistically more likely that the BF will fall in love with a poor girl than a rich one.
You don’t need this nonsense. Tell your BF to look you up when he has made his own million and so is out from under his father’s thumb.
Good Luck!
Inky
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