Dear Mel:

I would like to understand better, therefore  I ask:

you wrote that you have “many limiting beliefs” of yourself. Can you list them?

anita

Dear  Mel:

What is the origin of this core belief, that you are not good enough, that you are less worthy than others? Do you remember feeling this way as a child?

anita

Dear Mel:

It is far from being easy to “work on moving past this belief”-

Because the belief that you were less worthy than your peers was inflicted on you by your mother, this belief is the basis of many of your behaviors, such behaviors, I am guessing,  from currently wanting to get back with your ex and prove to him that you are not less worthy, to choosing and staying with men who disrespect you, to not talking to a man about your expectations about a relationship (because you are anxiously waiting for the … inevitable, being replaced by a more worthy peer).

How do you think you can move past this belief?

anita

Dear Mel:

You are welcome. Regarding the “victim mentality” you mentioned: as I wrote to you in my last post, this core belief, that you are less worthy than your peers, was inflicted upon you by your mother, and so you were definitely a victim. Without this infliction, your life would have been so much better and easier.

It is important to see where indeed we were or are victims.

What to do now, my suggestion: slowly examine and evaluate this core belief and correct it. Literally this means having new connections between neurons made in your brain, new neuropathways that will interfere with the old neuropathways. This process takes a lot of time. It may require the help of a quality psychotherapist.

New thoughts, new experiences will bring about these new neuropathways, this is healing.

Healing takes noticing how you behave, what you think, what you feel, and changing your thinking and behaving. This changing will feel distressful but over time calm will follow as you will function better, better for your own emotional well-being.

Post anytime with your thoughts and feelings.

anita

Nothing like the end of a relationship to make us re-evaluate our thinking, feeling and expectations of this thing we call love. Will you turn the experience against yourself or will you take a different path and choose growth?  If you are able follow through the dark wood I have no doubt that you will discover a deeper relationship to yourself and this thing we call Love. It is because love is both bitter and sweet, often in the same moment, that gives it its flavor.

When my relationship ended I couldn’t understand what happed.  I wanted to believe she never really loved me. For a time, I need to believe that because I let her see me and it hurt so much to think that after seeing me she rejected me and rejecting me didn’t love me.

The thing is we did love each other and that love was real. So, what happened.  The question that kept coming into my thoughts was ‘What’s love got to do with it?’ My eventual answer: everything and nothing. Everything because we very much and still do care about each other and wanted to see the other become and excel. Nothing because even though we loved each other we weren’t compatible for marriage type relationship and that was something she very much wanted. The Stuff of life kept getting in the way. Had we gotten married one of us growth, or both, would have stagnated. The Stuff of life, homes, location, jobs, family, goals all worked against us. Life demands growth and so sometimes LOVE requires that a relationship end. Sometimes it’s the end of a relationship that is needed to push someone into becoming. Sad but often the case in the bitter sweet that is Love.

That said Relationships never end even if we don’t see the other person again. Its part of the bitter sweet. If we can get to a place where we can know (intuitively or mind) that the end was Love, That the All is LOVE, even when something didn’t work out as we hoped, any new beginning is possible.