Hi Divani Girl – I just wanted to chime in. I came to the TinyBuddha forums SPECIFICALLY to read about and get advice on having a boyfriend leave you for an arranged marriage. It’s tough. I am not from the culture (anglo Canadian) and guess I have a very, very different view on love than some other cultures. That has been one of my takeaways. Another, which it appears you’ve already realized, is to put a time limit on things and take control of your life. My situation went on too long. I had a lot of red flags and should’ve considered my own wellbeing before someone else. But I think it’s part of being a women to do this, unfortunately.

I was with my guy for two years. It was intense. This is a common theme I’ve read with these types of “situationships”. I feel the men specifically set out to make it intense because they know it will be short-lived. Whereas you moved to a new city, I just had the life changing event of a parent dying. When I met this guy, he made me feel good again and brought me out of a deep, deep depression. For that I was thankful. Ironic then that he then led me to my next one. ha ha That’s another thing I had a hard time getting over … my guy lied to me. He played with my emotions for two years until I uncovered a Shaadi.com profile of him. When I confronted him, he said some very hurtful things and then I broke it off. He tried getting in contact with me afterwards but I remained firm (however, I did once let him know how much he hurt me; I needed him to know that). I later found out he got married two months later. I will never know if there was something going on while he was with me. That mystery haunts me.

It’s been just over a year now … I still hurt. I still miss him. But part of me realizes I just miss how he made me feel and not him as a person. I hope you get to that.

I refuse to accept that this is purely cultural. These men are not forced to do this, they CHOOSE to because it’s the easy thing to do. You sound like a great person and I truly hope you one day realize your value and worth AND I hope you find a partner that reciprocates your love. That, in a nutshell, is all I want in life. We both deserve it.