I think my feelings for Mike was so deep rooted that nothing else mattered, so yea I did feel guilty but the very idea of not having Mike or giving him up was not an option for me. I knew how I would react when he would stop talking to me I would wake up and it felt like a rush of pain would go thru my body, I lost interest at work. In reality now that I think of it I was just too afraid to give him up knowing that I would just not feel happiness the way I felt with him. It was physical and emotional something I was not allowed to choose or experience before.

It felt like something just pierced thru me when I saw his pic with another woman, but I also somewhere deep within knew it was the inevitable truth. Dealing with reality and enduring the emotions (it almost feels like death again all over)  is what I want. I want to accept that Love is not meant for me not in this life. My friends keep saying there is more than one kind of love that they love me but like all humans I want to be loved the way I loved Mike (I know expecting this unfair and unrealistic) I ask my self this all the time what was less in me? Why did he not want me the way I wanted him?