When i was younger i thought that everyone like me and my friends needed to have ‘the same steps’ in life.

I was raised in a loving family. But when i got older i started feeling stuck a bit. In Poland its not common to move out to the other city or to just rent the appartment like in other countries when you are young.  I told myself at the beginning of my studies that to be a real mature person i needed to move out and needed to experience myself in life.

I thought ( i think now it was wrong) that being kind and nice in a home environment means “cutting my wings” as a young person. I thought that only when i grow up myself alsone or surrounded by my friends i would become an adult.

I thought that parents and their love made me stuck at home. I do nt know why i felt like i was in my room, in my home not because i wanted to but because someone told me so.

I had many talks with parents and they didnt understand my point of view. Now i dont understand it .

They raised me in a loving way and let me do a lot. It was me who put some borders on my mental behaviour. I dont know why with friends when we enrolled at the university we started comparing ourselves to ‘american dream culture’, to american students-wishing to be like them. To live in a campus, to have very laid back attidute. Living with parents for me and for my friends at that period of time meant something bad. Me ( and two of my collegues) told ourselves to be grown human we needed to leave to move out. Even thought we didnt have enough money and etc.

Now, after a few years i know its not true. Its not about home its about mindset. I dont know why i felt like that before. I felt that everyone had better lives than me. Because they were inviting each other ( not me) they were forgetting about me always etc. I wanted to be 100% independent to have my own life to be able to invite people, live with people with my age. LIke those friends did.

But i didnt understand that those friens, including that toxic woman, came from other cities. Didnt have anyone here in my city so they needed to create groups. Their parents were paying for their flats, they were partying and working. They already graduated. I was atthe different level of my life. But i wanted to fit in.

NOw i understand i dont need to fit in. I need to have my own life like i have now. And living with parents and being raised in a good family with traditions doesnt mean a bad thing. Maybe those people were jealous of my childhood.

But i understand now that it was my mindset and just a stupid comparison to other people’s lives.