Thank you for your answers, i highly appreciate it. And Anita, thank you for checking up on me. Yes indeed i am confused about my orientation sexually and emotionally and i have a hard time to continue living in a split reality. On one hand my body is attracted to males but i don’t really have a great desire for sexual intimacy with a male partner but i don’t have that urge with females either. I have told about my feelings to my ex-gf  and i told one other girl which i have had sex with back in the days (these are the only two girls i ever had sex with) , both of them recommended me to ”come out” and be my authentic self. But still i don’t know what my authentic ”self” is. It feels like i am attracted to males much more than girls, emotionally and physically i find men attractive but as i said i, not sure i would ever find the will and courage to have sex with a man. I want to point out that whenever i had sex with these two girls i never ”felt” anything except the sensual (physical) pleasure of having sex. There never was any  intimate ”feelings” attached to having sex and that is the confusion for me. I have considered celibacy but that does not change the feelings i’m experiencing and the truth behind myself. Maybe you are right that this all stems from a dysfunctional relationship with my dad or an intimate friendship but i don’t know if getting to know my dad better would resolve my feelings towards men and help me get feelings for women. My life feels like it is on ”hold” and it is not moving anywhere because i keep different realities for different people. All my closest friends don’t know about my feelings and i don’t know how long it will take before the information leaks out one way or another. I just want to be in peace with my friends, and it feels like i keep confusing them about what i really want. My best friend for example, the one i had been talking about in the other posts. I feel very drained around him because i feel i’m being inauthentic and recently i almost can’t speak around him because it feels like i’m checking every word i’m saying and action i’m doing and i think he is starting to notice there is something off about me. I want my life to become (ONE) not a life of split realities. But its almost like i have no clue about what my real self is and what i really want in life. I also feel like i’m dragging along my ex Gf in this confusion, because she knows about my confusion and thinks that i might ”come back” to her. So she avoids getting in relation-ships because she is ”waiting” for me. I do love her but i don’t have feelings for her and i don’t know what to do. Anita, if you are able and have the time. I would appreciate so much if we could talk  in some chat room or something. I really need to discuss with somebody.