Dear Cali Chica:

I have learned that everyone suffer. All people suffer. I make one distinction between people who suffer and people who suffer: some inflict their suffering on others, others do not. I believe that a good person is one in the latter group of people.

I am not aware of you acting histrionically, that is gathering an audience and going on and on and on about your suffering. Are you aware of such behavior on your part?

You wrote about your sister: “It is not her fault that she puts it on me as she doesn’t know what to do”- but Cali Chica, this line of thinking can apply to any kind of a horrible behavior, as in… it is not X’s fault that he murdered ten people as he doesn’t know what to do (with his suffering)-

A person has to contain their suffering and not abuse another. It is necessary, not only for the other person’s well-being, but for the person doing the inflicting of suffering. When a person contains her suffering, there is a sense of self control in it, a sense of doing the right thing, and this itself is the beginning of one’s well-being.

When you allow a person to use you as an audience for her suffering, you not only sacrifice your own well-being, you also prevent her, be it your mother or your sister, from a possible, maybe-opportunity to contain her suffering and in so doing, to experience the beginning of her well-being.

I understand your loyalty to your sister, to your mother, to your father. I know this sense of loyalty too well. Stay loyal but not to their illness, not to their cruelty. Do the right thing by them- do not sit in that audience. Get up and exit the theater. It is the right thing to do, for you and for every single person in your life, now and in the future.

anita