Hello Anita,

So we met up in person and. That was the longer hour of my life, I was shaking, my heart was racing and I felt a pit in my stomach. He came out of the class and then we walked somewhere quiet. We exchanged gifts and we got to talking.

I wasnt going to mention the things he’s done to me, I thought maybe time would show him. But I think I did the right thing.

I told him about the manipulating, the guilt. I told him about what he said at the party. He was shocked saying he didn’t even realize he said it and that he maybe expressed a lot when he was drunk. And then he openly told me that he’d make me feel guilt, but he thought it’d make me want to stay more. I truly saw that he felt terrible. And then I asked him if maybe there’s an angry guy on the inside, who doesn’t believe when people love him. He was hesitant, and he said there was. He told me that he’s mad and mean on the inside but he doesn’t know why. He said all he wants to do is to be nice to people but no one really shows him love back. I asked him why and he said “I honestly don’t know”. I then told him that maybe he also needs this time to reflect upon himself.

We then acted romantically. This may seem like a step backwards, but it made us both want to work on ourselves. He admitted to me that he actually thinks that this time is really needed for him because he realized that he was a part of why I ended things. I didn’t wanna guilt him, but I was happy he knew.

I do see a real future with him. I know deep down that we both need work on our inner conflicts before bringing them out in a relationship. I’m glad he acknowledged. We fit very well together like no one else, but we both know this isn’t our time. We need to be away from each other to grow. He told me he has sad thoughts and the last thing I wanna do is make him feel worse. I want him to breathe and just reflect. I wanna do the same for me.

His family isn’t too fond of me; his dad is angry that we’re just working on ourselves for our future. I told him to not wait for me cause that will not help him grow at all. It needs to be a natural spontaneous reconnection, only if it’s meent to be.

Heres another crazy thing:

He is not a writer. Neither am I. He told me he kept a diary and wrote in it at the beginning of our relationship. He then said that after many months, the first time he wrote in it was on the 14th. It baffles me because  I’m not a writer, and the first time I wrote a letter for him was on the 14th. We both said it helped us release our thoughts. It’s crazy cause we’ve confessed almost the same thoughts and I think we fit well. I still know I’m ready to date now, so I’m not forcing it.

We cut connections, and now we have to just think in our own. I’ll only go back to him when or if I’m ready. That’s how I’m looking at it. I’ll move on but I won’t forget about him.

Tell me what you think!

Sierra