Its like as a teacher i need to be perfect.  I have to have the perfect tone, the perfect equity in talking to students etc.  If i speak to harshly one day i am this horrible teacher who is not looking out for their students.  Its like teachers can’t be stressed, can’t be emotionally charged.  We must always have this calm.

If a parent or a child gets emotional with me I stay calm, i forgive and we move on. I give another chance.  No grudges.

If my sister doesn’t like my realism or opinion, she hangs up on me and weeks later she talks to me again, never apologizing.  Though if she does the same thing with me I forgive, i don’t hold a grudge.

I know I must push people away, they disappear or don’t make time for me.  I’m not sure what I say or do.  I know sometimes I’m too blunt, realistic and negative.  I see all the problems.. but then I also see all of the solutions.  I can come across complaining but I’m really not I’m trying to see all perspectives and a solution to the challenge. or a new way to see it.

I don’t understand why people don’t speak their minds, why we don’t just get to the point, work it out.

I live in a vary grey world. With lots of options.  So i struggle when I work with people or interact with others who are black and white.

I know life is made up of actions, but these actions do not define a person for the rest of their life.  But I sit here and make one action and it defines how the people around me interact with me for lengths of time.

I want to learn how to communicate with people, how to voice my perspective without overwhelming, how to be heard and listen,  how to let go of the stress of always needing to say “the right thing” . i don’t know what “the right thing” to say is.  I feel like I always say the “wrong thing” . too passionate, to much information, to realistic, to staright forward, to much information.