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Stereotypical single mother: bitter

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  • March 7, 2018 at 11:09 pm #196315
    Sky
    Participant

    Hello,

    I am stuck in a emotional state. Slight back story, sperated from an incredibly toxic relationship over 2 years ago. Though I was blessed with an amazing child.

    I swiched my child’s preschool closer to our new home. Since the switch his father wanted to pick  child up more. It went from 4 days a month to 6 days a month that my child spent with the father.

    I am in this weird state because it has become so evident that it doesnt take much for men to be recognized as good dad. Whereas it takes so little for a women to seen as a bad mom. My child’s school adores the father. To the point that when the father drops the ball they question me. Even though it was his weekend. Mind you the teachers know our child has 2 homes.

    I get barely to no financial support from my childs father, which at this point I dont even rely on. I literally am cArrying all the weight in raising the child while pursuing my masters degree, and working. I am stretching out so thin. I am fustrated because the school is just an example of how unfair the system works.

    Has anyone delt with anything similar? Will things ever change?  I feel myself becoming a bitter person and resentful.

    March 8, 2018 at 4:52 am #196345
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sky:

    There are many social expectations tied to gender that are unfair and inaccurate, for example: men being expected to not feel hurt or anxious, to not be emotional (although a boy/man feels pain the same as a girl/woman).

    There is this social expectation regarding gender: women are expected to parent children while men are expected to bring in the money. This is not a negative if it works well in a particular family. In  your case, your ex husband benefits from the two parts of this expectation: he gets lots of credit for doing more than the expected in parenting his child and he doesn’t bring in the money.

    Life is often unfair. All we can do is see to it that we are being fair to ourselves and to others. Got to accept best we can what we cannot change. I suggest change what can be changed, keeping your child’s well-being and interest first in mind, and accept with as much peace of mind what you cannot change.

    anita

    April 8, 2018 at 4:22 am #201287
    Kara
    Participant

    Yes I too am a single mom.

    Firstly and importantly yes it does get better and it all starts with your attitude.

    I get what you mean but unfortunately that is just how it is sometimes.

    You say your so stretched thin, you need to change that as you cannot feel good about yourself and your situation if you feeling so stressed. Self love indulge in yourself, you are worth it. self care look after yourself do nice things for just you. Even if it’s just 10mins.

    You cannot and will never control those thoughts of others. They have absolutely no understanding of your situation , instead of focusing on them and him, focus on you self your mood your self love focus all the energy on yourself and your child as you two are the most important people to you. With practice daily practice it comes naturally and everytime you think about what they think or what he does etc purposely stop your thoughts and tell yourself u don’t need those toxic stressful thoughts and focus on what’s cool about you and your child- focus on something fun you can do together. And remind yourself they just don’t no the truth!

     

     

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