Hi Talia

Whatever you do, do not think about pink elephants.

Your fixated thoughts may have nothing to do with the acknowledged fantasy you have created. So, the question is why has your attention become fixated on these thoughts? What in other words is the payoff for you? What hopes. desires and dreams are really behind this fantasy? Why are you attracted to unavailable men or men you know are not right for you?

I used to love watching the Dog Whisper.  A common issue was a dog’s fixation on some object which the dog couldn’t look away and stop barking at. Part of the solution was a practice of a tug delivered with calm assertiveness (I prefer the term intention but the key is being calm about it) to divert the attention.

There is a part of the mind that directs consensus as if it were dog like. We tend not to think about our consciousness as something that we direct so tend to let it run wild un-trained. The practice of mindfulness can, by calmly noticing when our attention has become fixated, redirect our attention elsewhere.