I have seen therapists but never for a long period of time, usually just addressing the issues of a current relationship. Although I do want the family, I make bad relationship choices. I pick a lot of avoidant men who make me clingy, or I pick the needy ones who make me lose interest and I search for the affair or laying the groundwork for a new relationship. I don’t think I’ve had one that was completely healthy. The married man did tell me I reminded him of his mom who had depression so maybe we both see something in the other. I did not see that as a good thing. I wanted to be the cool girl with him but eventually I let him know some of my darker thoughts and experiences.
Everything that you mentioned draws me to him and it does feel like all the needs are coming together. I know now though I’m not really that special because he is probably pursing other women even though he wants to stay in my life to some degree.