Dear joanna:

I just read your last two posts. Your friend is visiting you for a couple of days? I don’t know which friend it is but I hope you are having a good time with that friend.

Of course I wouldn’t tell you to not do what ends up hurting you. I know that you do what you do so to find relief from emotional pain and at first you find that relief, at least some of the times. I cannot provide you with the relief you need so  desperately, when you do, right there and then, therefore I understand that you seek that relief in the ways that are available to you.

I understand only too well how emotional pain feels, how it feels to be desperate for relief. Not that I recommend hurting oneself for the purpose of the initial, temporary relief. Of course not, but I understand and experienced the urge, the great need to… feel better.

In regard to your question about pleasing another by acting inferior to them.. no, I do not do that anymore, oh no. I acted inferior before because I believed that I was. Well, I am not. I am not inferior to anyone.

Regarding the man (I don’t think you mentioned his name, or a made-up name for him), you asked if there is a way to change the dynamic that has been established, the inferior/superior dynamic- I doubt it because it already has been established. If he was motivated to change and was involved in intense psychotherapy, and if he approached you and told you that he wants to change himself and the dynamic and develop a healthy, loving relationship where the two of you are equal-in-value partners, then maybe, a good chance, excellent chance with hard work.

But without these things, no, I don’t think so.

anita