Hi Jess,

If you are having suicidal thoughts please call the national suicide prevention lifeline – 1-800-273-8255. They also have a chat feature as well and there are many resources on AFSP.ORG.

That being said, it sounds like you are very hard on yourself. I know you want to make up for lost time but life is a series of steps forward and steps back. Thats all part of the process. I hope you can find compassion for yourself and remind yourself you are doing your best you can at this time.  Self care is never a waste.

I hope things get better for you. And to add to Marks advice one of the best commencement speeches Ive ever heard was J.K Rowlings on “Failure”  She really puts things into perspective. Hope this helps <3