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Loving myself

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  • #198355
    Hey Its Jess
    Participant

    I have trouble loving myself unconditionally.

    Let’s just say I made some “life altering” mistakes in my past which has resulted in an overwhelming need to succeed and make up for lost time.  Everything was going great and I stuck to my new year resolutions until March started. I got sick and consequently wasn’t able to be as productive as I wanted to be. At this point, I started hating myself because I would rather die than waste another day. All this has led to really depressive and suicidal thoughts.

    Thanks for reading guys 🙂 Hope I made sense lol

    #198389
    Mark
    Participant

    Hey Its Jess,

    Is a life worth living based on days or months of being “unproductive” ?

    Can you really say what is a “wasted” day?

    I suggest you reframe what makes a good day worth living.  If you look back on your entire life or another person’s life, I bet you can point to events and activities that may have looked like a waste of time but it was valuable later on in your life.

    Nobody really knows what things you have done that make up a “good life” at the end.

    Check out Steve Jobs’ Stanford commencement speech where he tells the graduates how his calligraphy class paid off in the design of the Macintosh.

    Mark

    #198401
    ally
    Participant

    Hi Jess,

    If you are having suicidal thoughts please call the national suicide prevention lifeline – 1-800-273-8255. They also have a chat feature as well and there are many resources on AFSP.ORG.

    That being said, it sounds like you are very hard on yourself. I know you want to make up for lost time but life is a series of steps forward and steps back. Thats all part of the process. I hope you can find compassion for yourself and remind yourself you are doing your best you can at this time.  Self care is never a waste.

    I hope things get better for you. And to add to Marks advice one of the best commencement speeches Ive ever heard was J.K Rowlings on “Failure”  She really puts things into perspective. Hope this helps <3

    #198417
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Hey Its Jess:

    We can’t make up for lost time. Would be nice if we could. I can’t. No one can, not a single living thing.

    I wonder what could these “‘life altering’ mistakes” be, for you…?

    anita

    #198549
    Hey Its Jess
    Participant

    Hello guys! Thank you for all the replies greatly appreciate it ^_^
    yes, you’re right Anita. Unfortunately, we can’t undo things but I just can’t accept myself being useless anymore. Guess that’s a good thing. I’ll have to look at the positive side of things and take care of myself more often.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by Hey Its Jess.
    #198553
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Hey its Jess:

    You are welcome. It just so happens that I answered another thread, just before yours, and wrote there about lost time: “It is not the exception, I  learned, to waste most of one’s life. It is the rule…All you can do is learn from your experience, so to waste less of your day and future. Waste is the norm, wise living is the exception. Make your life today and every day going forward less and less of that norm”.

    If you accept waste to be the norm, waste which includes making mistakes and suffering the consequences of those mistakes, then you wouldn’t be desperate to make up for those mistakes and the lost or wasted time. Not feeling desperate will allow the calm that you need so to make better choices today and every day and live a life less and less wasteful.

    anita

     

    #198555
    anita
    Participant

    * double post, ignore this one.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by anita.
    #198647
    anita
    Participant

    * didn’t reflect under Topics

    #198753
    Hey Its Jess
    Participant

    Agreed! =)

    #198931
    Tira
    Participant

    The moments when we feel down can also remind us of how much we want to improve ourselves. If you hadn’t had these days of “waste” would you know how much you want to improve your life? It sounds like to me that you are a very resilient. I will echo calling someone/reaching out for professional support is a great idea. The ability to ask for help is also not easy, but it is a sign of strength and resilience.

    Maybe asking your self – what keeps me going? will provide some exciting answers 🙂

    #199353
    Jim
    Participant

    You are putting a lot of unnecessary stress on yourself.  You got sick which we all do and can’t function like we would like.  Who defines success and how fast you should achieve it?  We all get stuck sometimes.  Take one step at a time.

    #199477
    Hey Its Jess
    Participant

    I know…its just about about finding the right balance between work and life. I have realized that my happiness is directly proportional to the amount of things that I get done in the day lol. If I waste time or slack off, I go to bed feeling like a sore loser xD and that depressing feeling stays with me for some days.

    #200051
    Jason
    Participant

    Make it a goal to do something you enjoy everyday as well. Such as spend one hour swimming, listening to music, daydreaming or going out with friends. It’s important to have a balance of not just productivity but also something that brings joy and reminds you of why we work so hard everyday.

    Enjoy the things you do, laugh and smile more and realise and be grateful for your blessings everyday.

    #200403
    terri
    Participant

    It’s sounds like you expect too much of yourself.

    Please don’t ignore these thoughts you have about yourself. Just trying to think positive isn’t the answer. Life is about experiencing the dark and the light, so explore these thoughts you have. Where does this feeling of uselessness come from?

    Also, a lot of people mistake failure and something as being a failure as a person. Failing does not make us a failure.

    The past is done, it cannot be changed. I spent years hating myself and beating myself up over the past. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t do that any more and I refuse to live my life with regrets. Be kinder to yourself. What would you say to someone you love or care about if they came to you with your problem?

    #200799
    Hey Its Jess
    Participant

    My apologies for the late replies guys

    @Jason  I have started to enjoy work now. In the past, I used to spend a lot of time on video games  but that doesn’t make sense to me anymore. I think I have officially transitioned into what they call “adulting” lol

     

    @Terri   I don’t ignore my thoughts anymore. Even turning on loud music whenever I am sad, feels cheating now. If I loved one came up to me with this problem, I would tell them to live in the moment.

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