Hey Eliana
I have in fact been in controlling and toxic relationships.All of my previous relationships involved both and damaged my already not so high self esteem. From being cheated on, given a std(cured and years ago thank God), to being physically assaulted,verbally abused and put out of an Apartment I shared with someone who claimed to love me. I have been through alot. It’s safe to say that I did not know my worth and men manipulated that about me. And when i found someone i thought was right they had turned out to be a jerk and i was wrong.At this point i have had a chance to be on my own a while and reflect but I don’t think that’s enough,therapy would be a great idea. I need to strengthen my confidence (and I find talking to you all helps).But Everything costs, I can’t afford those sessions. if you have any idea where I can go for free counseling or any references I am open to suggestions. You ask what i want i TRULY want compatibility to sum up a great friendship an bond with someone I can be myself around an grow with. Nothing outside of the norm I want to know that they truly love me,value me, and will be there and we can build.Clearly I am working on myself so I’m in no rush to jump back in a relationship which is why I haven chosen to commit with him yet. But i won’t do so until I know for a fact this time will be different than the rest. otherwise I can stay single.