Yes.i think that I threw him under the bus a little bit. it’s definitely me…. I open up here an there it’s like pulling back an onion there are layers to a person. he knows things about me but hasn’t gotten the depth yet…Idk why but I get nervous when it comes to expressing myself or personal life outside of the typical conversation. I don know why maybe it’s from my past relationship that made me feel my thoughts weren’t valid… my ex He would always belittle me and criticize everything I would do to him. I guess I don want to pore my heart out an look like a fool afterward. I really want to though like it’s necessary if i want to move forward  but I don even know where to start???

But see I’m not saying my mother didn’t hear him out about his childhood. That’s an issue I would have to ask. But i will say at 50 plus years later that is still NO excuse. Also my mother became part of the picture in helping my grandma because my other family members stopped coming around to check on her ( they don’t want to be around him) and simply because my dad is pure LAZY. His obsession with tv and movies has only continued he does feed her but bathing her changing her and all necessary essentials my mom is the consistent one on the matter.Otherwise he can’t do it alone. He claims he love his mom that’s all he has etc but I don’t trust him. I feel like he’s doing it because he has no other choice to now. But that is interesting you said that i never looked at it that way but i highly doubt he resents her for that because he asks for her help. He acts helpless so she can do everything.When i lived there with my grandmother(after he put me out) it took him months to visit her which is why he didnt even know i was there and when he finally did it was because of turmoil at home and he had no where to go so that just let’s you know how he is. He is all for self.

As for me i really am just confused. I been on a emotional rollercoaster. I care about the man I’m involved with he treats me good respects me etc but he has alot going on in his life. And honestly I question what TRUE Love is because I’ve never had it from the male figure I needed it from. All the guys I have been with have hurt me so I’m apprehensive scared to commit to something that could turn out for the worse. My feelings are up and down deep… down I know that he loves me an cares for me but im harboring  fear of rejection and lack of trust insecurity an those things make me want to pull away. Make me question his love even when it’s unlike the way I’ve been treated before(in a good way). I recently just stopped responding to him yesterday just to clear my head and figure out what I want and he has been texting me throughout the whole day concerned if I’m alright even at 4 in the morning saying he hasnt heard from me etc so I know that he cares about me l… just need to figure out what I want and deal with my own issues first I think.

yes i do. I also said realize who he has in his life now. it’s not fair that we should all suffer at his will ya know. I’m not saying my grandma was perfect but I definitely know she and my grandfather loved him and did their best to raise him into a descent man. But my family members outside of immediate all say he is spoiled. I believe that to be true as well, my grandma said clearly that she didn’t want him living at her house because she was fearful of his behavior and he stayed there against her will. this happened after our house was foreclosed on. He tried to get me put out on the street because he was unaware when he put me out of home I was staying with her helping her. When he found out he was heated an wanted me gone now he is living there with my grandma an my mom lives in her monthers house who is now deceased but she is there at my grandma’s  house more than anything to take care of her. My brother lives with his child’s mom’s family for the most part but he STILL comes back there periodically for breaks and he gets a attitude saying “he doesn’t pay rent” or contribute as if he does himself let alone is it his house!  I don’t get it it is as if it was his back up all along for him and us to fend for ourselves.

Yes you are absolutely correct. That is what he would say at times about my grandmother how she was a drunk and neglected him. it may hold some truth but my grandmother is like the sweetest woman in the world an his only brotherand sibling who was ten years older Is now deceased (16 years now) i think he felt that he took relevance over him in his childhood. Like my uncle was the better man in which I know he was.

And yes my mother is in denial. She knows what’s going on she complains but she stays and stays. And I believe feels even more compelled to because my grandfather is gone it is just him and my grandmother an she takes on the role of nurse for his mom. She does more for her than him in actuality. That isn’t my business but I fear when the day comes she’s no longer here it may be a wake up call but on the other hand he may never really truly appreciate his wife/mom or his family. As you say it’s like to fill a void for A moment but he holds so much resentment so it cannot be genuine.

None out of the norm… hes jealous of him because he felt like my mother puts my brother before him and babies him.She did do alot for him just wanting him to get his life together but Mind you my brother is now an adult working with a child of his own taking care of himself  an takes good care of his child but my father STILL feels the same way an brings up things from the past.

Hey Beck

Thanks for sharing ! I can totally agree with that, I too at times question if I am good enough deep down. We have to practice looking in the mirror and really telling ourselves how special, amazing, beautiful , intelligent etc we are. I think the problem in today’s world is that we are shaped to compete with each other on so many levels that it almost becomes normal to compare ourselves. This creates more damage and it’s an irrational habit because if we constantLY compare  ourselves to others we will never  truly be secure with who we are. Like you said working progress for sure. All the tools we need are within us speaking on them is easy manifesting them is another story lol. But knowing you are not alone and others can identify with you definitely helps. I love this site im glad i stumbled upon it lol. Thanks again for sharing:)

hmmm no honestly I didn’t think to ask that I don’ believe it happens often though because he always speaks very highly of her and the time they spend and his love for her.

Hey Airene

Yes that’s a very interesting and true perspective you have about fear and anxiety. I agree anxiety is something to manage and heal from overtime. Sometimes it just feels like ill be this way forever lol. Not as if I dislike how I am but sometimes the way things look that are different from us appeal to us and often times its not even as cracked up to be what it seems. Being completely secure in me and in my skin is the main goal. That is all I strive for. A lift and release of mental weight…because that is what the battle really is.

thanks