Hi Adele,

It was painful to read your story.  I’m so sorry that this happened to you.

You are asking if it’s wrong to never want to see them again?  Is that the question?

I think what you have to do is find where you are with all that has happened, and with them, and start there.  They reached out to you in your 20’s, and you let them in and let the past slide.  That is where you were at the time.  What compelled you to let them back in then?

Now you are in a different place.  I don’t get the sense that you want to punish them as much as the past is haunting you and you want to make peace with everything they have done to you.  How do you go about doing that?

It may mean that as of this moment, you need to not see them.

You say that they hate themselves for what they did to you – did they say this to you, or did you overhear it?  You also say they never apologized.  I’m wondering, how would you feel if they apologized?  Having them acknowledge not only what they did to you, but the physical and emotional pain they caused you?    And then you having the chance to say to them how their abuse affected you?

While the past cannot be erased, sometimes just having abusers hear how their actions affect you can be healing.

For what this is worth, considering all that has happened, I would have a very, very hard time calling and visiting if I was being manipulated to do so.  It’s easier said than done, but when your mother becomes manipulative, maybe tell her she is being manipulative and that you will call and visit when you are ready.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Airene