Hi Anita,

Likewise, I find your insight with other members so helpful.  I also appreciate that you are present and available.

You are perceptive too. I remember a lot of our family life revolving around my mom…her needs, her opinions, her feelings, her likes and dislikes.  It was the norm for us, but as an adult, I can see it was not healthy.  You ask where my siblings and I were in all of this.  Truthfully, as long as we were perfect, all was well.  I’m being somewhat facetious, but the reality was if we behaved perfectly, did the right thing, said the right thing, reacted the right way – at least perfect in the way that accommodated our mom – all was well.  That has been a difficult thing to overcome – to not be perfect and just be human.  It’s sad to type that, but it’s true.   My one brother and sister probably had it the hardest because they rebelled.  My other brother and I were more complacent and tried to keep the peace.

When she yelled, I don’t remember feeling angry as much as I felt helpless –  like I had to do something to make it better, whether I caused the anger or not.

In my other post, I called out my dad as not being particularly loving or supportive, but to be fair, I don’t recall my mom ever saying to me “I love you” or telling me she was proud of me.  She would tell other people she was proud of her kids but “I love you” is not something my parents felt comfortable saying.

Thank you for your response and insight.  I appreciate it.

Airene