Hello LifeUnravelled,

Although your name is “LifeUnravelled,” what I read in your post tells me that your love/romantic life is what has unravelled.  How is your work life and family life?

What Mark has said is true…going from your marriage to another relationship without understanding why your marriage didn’t work puts the new relationship on very shaky ground.  We seek in people what we know and are familiar with, even if that familiarity is not good for us.  It seems you know about love equating to your partner being unavailable emotionally.  I wonder if you have been able to understand where that comes from?  What has made you seek a partner who is not emotionally available?

I also agree with Mark that the best chance for a successful relationship is when we know who we are, inside and out, and are able to stand on our own two feet emotionally and without a partner.

You say your logical brain knows what you should do, and I am wondering, what is it you know you should do, logically speaking?

I would also look at why you stay in the relationship, and what keeps you from leaving.

Your comment where you say you promised yourself that you would never put yourself in another relationship where you felt like you didn’t matter makes me wonder why you feel like you don’t matter?  When I hear this from people, I wonder if they value themselves enough, rather than look for that validation from their partner.  Can you identify concrete ways to your partner that help you feel like you do matter?

Airene