Dear John:

After  the breakup, you sent your ex girlfriend a letter “asking her to qualify what really happened between us”-to this day you don’t know what happened. You know bits and pieces but you are as confused as before (“very confused” is in the title of your thread).

Here is my effort to clear the confusion for you, my effort to present a possible clear picture of what happened, and if you would like, you can consider it, evaluate it and decide what if any of it is true to you.

What we feel is a result of chemicals released in our brain/body. All that we feel is a result of chemical processes. What happened is that this woman, because of circumstances in your life right before you met her, and before, and because of her looks, and/or the sound of her voice, her way of walking perhaps, her laugh, some external items, your feel-very-very-good chemicals were released leading to euphoria. Much like taking a powerful, hard core drug, a narcotic perhaps, for the first time.

“like I’ve never felt before… hard core love. Like in the movies… I’ve never felt that happy ever in my life before”.

And like a man repeatedly taking a hard core drug, falling into addiction, you “became needy and clingy”, and true to a powerful  drug addiction tale, “it all came crashing down… it got ugly. Real ugly”.

My concluding thoughts for now: literally you have been on drugs, naturally occurring, powerful and massive amounts of drugs, with little effective communication with her, little understanding of who she is, little understanding of anything at all in the context of this relationship.

anita