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Is he the one?

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  • June 17, 2018 at 6:56 pm #212803
    Irene
    Participant

    Hello,

    I met a guy last year online.  We spoke on the phone for about 2 to 3 weeks before we met.  We met, talked for an hour then made out , heavily, in his car.  He called me later that day and let me know he felt we rushed things and wasn’t sure how he felt.  So, I sent him a text ending things between us.  His response was that he didn’t understand why I ended things but he was too tired to argue.  Five months later, we reconnected, with the intention of embarking on a relationship.  We had plans for a date but he ghosted me.  Another 5 months, he sent me a text asking if I still had feeling a for him and I told him no,  which wasn’t true.  4 days ago, I sent him a text telling him the truth , that I still had feelings for him and he responded that we should try and make a go of it.  This was Thursday morning.  He said in his text that we would talk Friday or over the weekend.   I didn’t hear from him Friday or Saturday so I called and left a message telling him that I didn’t want to move forward because of his lack of communication.  He sent me a text a couple hours later but I refused to read it.

    My question is, did I overreact?  What do I do?

     

    Thank you for your advice.

    June 18, 2018 at 5:07 am #212867
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Irene,

    It sounds like he’s not a great option. He ghosted you, and then he was radio silent about the weekend. You could **possibly** give him one more chance, but I say that with trepidation.

    Three Strikes You’re Out,

    Inky

    June 18, 2018 at 5:42 am #212875
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Irene:

    I think that you overreacted after the one date when he told you that the two of you rushed things. “So, I sent him a text ending things between us”- that was the overreaction. A thoughtful reaction would be to talk about his feelings and yours, to learn that way about each other.

    Otherwise, you do read like a very reactive person, not necessarily overreacting, but quick to assume, maybe, quick to argue, maybe?

    anita

    June 18, 2018 at 7:31 am #212897
    Mark
    Participant

    Irene,

    You ended something that just started from one meeting.

    Five months later you started back up with him but he “ended it” by not showing up/ghosting.

    Another five months later,  he contacted you and you lied to him about your feelings for him.

    Still later, you contacted him by telling him the truth.

    He responded by saying he wanted to make a go of it and wanted to meet.

    Now you have not heard from him and you communicated that you want to end it because of his “lack of communication.”

    Looks like neither of you know what you wanted or know how to communicate honestly.

    You have lied to him on how you feel.  He has passively aggressively not met or stayed in touch.

    All this behavior from one meeting from almost a year ago???

    I would work on yourself to learn to be honest, forthright and not reactive in your own communication.

    Mark

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