Dear Ladybug:

Like I wrote to you before, the good thing coming out of this break, or a better term, really, this change in the relationship, is that you changed the behavior that lead you before to have”told him his failings and pointed out all that he is slacking on”. It is excellent that you are now supportive, tolerant, patient and encouraging to him instead.

There is a problem in your situation though, one I wrote to you about before, as well. The problem is that he likes the relationship the way it is now. He is comfortable with it the way it is now, this new relationship.

People are not motivated to change when comfortable.

His recent response to you indicates how comfortable he is with the relationship as-is:

“I don’t need you to go anywhere”- he wants you to stay. He wants to keep his life with you as-is.

“I do feel like I want to be single though”- he wants the relationship to continue to be as-is.

“but we can work towards something better”- in my understanding, this does not mean: I am ready to work toward a different relationship or even I am motivated to do so. It means, in my mind: I don’t feel like changing anything, so later, maybe later. Much later (postponing the consideration of what is uncomfortable for him so to continue the way things are)

“but for now we can keep things the way they are”- my point, this is his motivation.

Notice this: what he said to his brother- people say things, bits of truth, and then they shake that truth of themselves and keep living like they never said what they said. You are hanging on to what he said, but he may have put that away, in his mind, not an issue of his consideration.

anita