Dear Anita,

interesting you explain it this way – yesterday when I was home feeling unwell, I spent the day just being my baseline. I didn’t drink coffee I didn’t look for any tasks to do. I was just there.

I found myself thinking. When I don’t try, and I just be – my baseline is quite weak, and numb. The frenzied energy and constant doing is actually a mask for what my TRUE baseline is.

Perhaps it is horrifying to feel that numb and hollow and thus it is my natural state to over engage.  This and the fact that my job requires a lot of energy and mental focus.

You’re right those feelings are mine. Not hers. And yes they are repressed. Do you feel that if I spend more time just being. Like I did yesterday they can manifest more. I am no longer scared of feeling low energy and down. I now accept it as the reality and I would rather feel this way than a false source of adrenaline and running on fumes so to speak. Yes, I can not spend every day at home not doing much. But if I allow my baseline just to be – not over compensate, not over socialize, not overly drink coffee to be extra productive. If I stop all of that maybe my true essence will manifest more. And slowly release.

Given that I am always on – at work – at home  always. Never feeling I can turn off. Perhaps I’m scared If I turn off I am pretty “dead” feeling inside. But I want to embrace what I am. I don’t want to mask it.

What do you think?

• This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by Cali Chica.