Hi Tiny Buddha community, I’m really hoping you can give me some insight into our problem and help me to move on.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years now. The first year was long-distance, but we had no problems at all. After that, I moved to his country and moved in with him. He is an extremely good person. That I have no doubt. Neither do my friends and family.

Last month, he went on a business trip alone and he is not the solo traveller type. That was when he started chatting up an ex hookup on Instagram and they switched to WhatsApp later. I must admit I snooped his phone and found out about the WhatsApp chat, where she said he had a cool picture and he said hers was even better. She said it was from a pool party and he said ‘Oh, I’d like to see the pictures.’ Their chat was not only once, but went on for four days, although only briefly every day. At one point he send a morning text to her. And when she lost interest, he wrote, ‘you used to be more talkative’.

I confronted him the next day after I found out and we have had three serious talks about it since then. Every time, he explained to me, to him, it was only bullshitting/a joke, they always talked like that, and he was just bored and did not register at the moment that he was hurting me. He also told me without me asking that they drunk slept once many years ago. He told me he did not really think much about it and didn’t realise it was something so hurtful to me, and told me he would never do it again if it bugs me.

I’m still hurting a month later and skeptical about the relationship. He doesn’t really understand why I am still so upset about something so trivial because it’s not even close to infidelity in his view. But he has always been willing to talk about it.

Am I overreacting? Should I stay in the relationship and try to heal? If so, how? Sorry if I haven’t given adequate/clear information. I’m pretty confused now. Thank you in advance for any input! May you all have a beautiful day 🙂