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How to let go after this breakup……

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  • August 3, 2018 at 11:09 am #220227
    Forevermaddy
    Participant

    Oh lord where do i start?… about 6 Months ago my relationship of 5 years went downhill. We invested so much on each other, that even if i made the decision to let him go i still cant get over him or move on to build relationship with someone else. I always find myself thinking of all we could have been.

    ” To make the story short we broke up because he was not ready for any type of commitment, honestly i wasnt looking for marriage or kids, more like building together and starting to become an “US”. But he flat out told me he wasn’t ready for that. Wow those where not the words i was expecting someone whom i had devour my life to for all this time. He simply gave up, no communication, no fight, left me in the blank. And i think that is what hurts the most, this person i would fight for never fought for me.”

    Now 6 months later, i’m not excited to meet anyone. I don’t want to waste my time like i have previous relationships. Im utterly hurt and i’m afraid i’m not healing. i cry everyday and have found my self in deep depression. At time trying to mask it but always left crying alone in my home.

    I have thought about seeing a therapist….what are your thoughts? has anyone been in this situation?

     

    August 3, 2018 at 7:54 pm #220239
    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Forevermaddy,

    It is painful to let go a long term relationship with so much time and thoughts invested on the other person. Time is the most important aspect of healing. Take care of yourself, allow yourself time to grieve. Hope you are able to take the support of your loved ones in this process.

    Seeing a good therapist will facilitate your process of healing. In the meantime take good care and be compassionate to yourself. Use the time to nourish and nurture yourself.

    August 4, 2018 at 6:53 am #220277
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Forevermaddy:

    You asked if anyone has been in this situation, of a long term relationship ending, still grieving after six months, not being motivated to meet someone new- more people than not, I think. Millions and millions of people have been in such a situation, and still are.

    You wrote, “i’m not excited to meet anyone, I don’t want to waste my time like I have previous relationships”- wasting one’s time in relationships, I don’t think there is a single person who hasn’t wasted his or her time in relationships, many wasted decades of time and tons of resources in the wrong relationships. The extent of waste is overwhelming. It is to me as I look into my past.

    There is nothing you can do but learn all you can learn from those past relationships so that you can be more effective in the next one, so that you are far less likely to waste more time and resources in the next one. For me,  the verb learning is synonymous to healing.

    If you want to make this thread about learning from your previous five years relationship, you can. I will be glad to read more from you and to reply . One thought I have in mind regarding the commitment issue in that relationship: was it something he expressed to you from the beginning and throughout the five years or is it something that came up toward the end?

    anita

    August 4, 2018 at 10:20 pm #220357
    Forevermaddy
    Participant

    Dear Prash,

    Thank you so much for your great comment and recommendations. I am slowly trying to heal and keep my mind busy to stop from thinking of the memories that just break my heart. I know i will heal from this. I have great support from my family so that i am thankful for. I will reach out to a couple therapists just because i need an extra resource that can guide me in a different mindset.

    Your words are higly appreciated! Thanks a million

    August 4, 2018 at 10:34 pm #220359
    Forevermaddy
    Participant

     

    Hello Anita,

    No i might have projected the words weong, i was more asking about seeking a therapist help after a breakup. I know millions of people get hurt on a daily basis in relationships, that is one of the side affect of being in a relationship and being human.

    Thanks for your suggestions i will gladly make a for about healing  and learning because i myself am slowly learning. And if any other readers want to suggest and form a group for open chat i will always be here to support.

    So about the commitment issues, i have been living on my own for 3 year of our 5 year relationship. And i had always suggested trying it together, he never said no, but he also never made steps towards it! Till recently when he verbally expressed how those thougbt have never really “sparked him” or interested him even knowing that it would be something that i had alrights to suggest. So he chose to leave the relationship because this was something he couldnt do for me. With pain in my heart i had no choice but to put an end to the relationship because what is a relationship where someone sees no future with you, and just drags you along!

    Well this is my current status, moving forward even if my heart is still with a person who sees no future with me. But life is long, and yes experiences are for learning!

     

     

     

    August 5, 2018 at 4:10 am #220365
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Forevermaddy:

    A little summary of what you shared and my own questions in parentheses, just in case you would want to answer for the purpose of learning from the relationship, here, on your thread. I do not expect you to answers my questions, they are there.. just in case you do, or want to consider them in your learning elsewhere, perhaps in the therapy you are considering:

    You had a five years relationship. During three of the five years you lived on your own and suggested to him that the two of you live together. “he never said no” to that, you wrote. (But he didn’t say ‘yes’ either, correct? How did he respond when you made your suggestion to him, repeatedly, I assume?) and he “never made steps towards it!” (what steps were you expecting and did he say he will make this or that step toward living together but didn’t?)

    Close to the end of the relationship, six months ago, he told you that living with you, having a future with you, was not something that “‘sparked him’ or interested him”.

    After he expressed that to you, “he chose to leave the relationship” and you “put an end to the relationship (who ended the relationship, him or you?)

    “We invested so much on each other”, you wrote. “I wasn’t looking for marriage or kids”, but to “building together and starting to become an ‘US’. (What did he invest in you and what did you invest in him? Why did you not look to marry him and have kids? Did you express to him that you were not interested in marriage and kids? What was his position on marriage and kids?)

    I wonder if there were arguments or fights between the two of you on the issue of living together.

    anita

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