Dear Lipsol:

You wrote about your sister, “her status is one of being the most nurturing, and therefore most loved in our family… the most liked and most loved of the family”. You envy her status. You wish you had her status.

She told you that she lies to people, expressed pride in successfully lying to people, telling them what they want to hear. You suspect that is what she does with her own family, parents, siblings, you and that is part of her having achieved her status. You suspect her to be “silent passive aggressive”.

My suggestion is that you give up trying to match her status in your family. Admit defeat and give up the quest to compete with her status. Withdraw from the competition and put some distance between you and your sister/family.  Slowly, make a life for yourself elsewhere where you are honest and appreciated, involved, liked and loved.

anita