Ok, so I really need some wise advice from all you fine people. I feel like I’m losing my mind because my gut tells me my adult sister works behind the scenes with my family members, esp. my brother, dad, and mother to ensure her status is one of being the most nurturing, and therefore most loved in our family. Something tells me she is not honest with me about really simple things that no one need “forget” to mention or neglect to tell me – except for one specific situation.

A couple of things over the years have happened that i’ve always given her the benefit of the doubt:

– my dad was diagnosed with cancer a month or so ago. he’s had surgery and is on the mend. my sisters husband is a doctor who my dad confided in because he didn’t want any drama. i  was the last of my whole family to know. whatever. it hurt a lot but it’s not about me. anyways, i kind of freaked out because of course my sister would know if her husband knew but she told me she had no idea. my gut tells me she did and didn’t want to tell me. Why? Is this normal? How could she not know?

my sister is in constant contact with my brother but denies she has been. i am jealousmofmtheir relationship. he asks for her advice and doesn’t include me.

my sister loves to be the most liked and most loved of the family. she is a great person that does a lot of great things for everyone including myself. however, anytime i reach out to a family member and have a nice chat i just mention it to her and she automatically follows up with a  call or email herself. am i being paranoid or is she passive aggressively being competitive? My gut tells me she is.

our family reunion is coming up and my brother whom i’m not very strong as far as a relationship goes, has mentioned tonight that he is coming into town from a long ways away. i would love to know he is in town and only found out tonight he might be! my sister was going away the same day as the family reunion, but told me she booked her flight for later because she found a better deal. i checked the airline prices and her new departure date is more expensive. she neglected to mention that my brother may be coming into town and would be staying at her house as he always does. this also bothers me a lot. why not stay at my house? it’s only Forty five minutes away. he says it’s closer and easier for him.

what bothers me about this pettiness and lies is that she is my sister. i am straight forward with her but she is not with me most of the time. how do you deal with someone like this that you can’t help but love but makes you crazy, angry, and hurt by excludingmand almost coveting family relationships?

She told me once in a car trip in front of her kids that she knows how to lie and tell people what they want to hear, and she says she’s good at it! I’ll never forget that. I am not like that. How can i trust anything she says now? When i confronted her about all this, she always knows what to say in a diplomatic way to the point that i so want to believe what she’s saying and that i’m the crazy, paranoid, over sensitive one. I want to see the good in people, esp. my family, but there is so much subtly in the lies and in what is not said that my red flags go up constantly. it’s draining and it’s making me sick. i distanced myself from her but i love her so much that i can’t help but forgive over and over of what i think she’s doing and that i’m the crazy one. i don’t trust her though deep down. i now don’t trust myself, my gut response for fear that i may lose her entirely.

face to face discussions dontmwork. she’s much more clever than i and i always seem to fold because i want everything to be ok between us. i really feel like crap.

please, i would love some advice.

lispol