Hi Anita,

So although everything’s going good and ive seen some great changes in our relationship i am more aware now of how easy he gets it, i usually let him off the hook so easy when he doesnt stay true to his promises or cancels plans so he has become quite comfortable not putting in all that much effort so ive started asking more of what i want and making it clear when im disappointed, i do not pressure him or nag but i am less accepting of his lazy habits and instead of keeping quiet and picking up his slack i make it known what standard im willing to accept from him. I support him through all difficulties and like most dudes his gotten comfortable with not doing his part in the relationship and our life together. By being more stern and calmly vocal about how i feel regarding certain things it prevents me from building up unnecessary resentment and allows him the chance to put in the effort i deserve. i know deep down due to his inconsistent childhood and lack of stability he has commitment phobia, he hasn’t needed to take responsibility much his whole life other than of himself and thats why he is attached to being alone and working through life and challenges by himself. He really loves me but his phobia makes him avoident. An average person who is raised fairly well and has had the right influences around them would feel secure and grateful to have a relationship like our, a bond and connection that is so healthy and successful anybody in our shoes would start moving towards getting married and building a life together. But it frightens him being responsible for me (being someones partner in life comes with responsibilities and it scares him because he finds safety and security in being alone and only responsible for himself) he is not the usual kind of messed up where you its obvious to see, Hes childhood damage has been revealed to me only through the challenges of our relationship together, where most people dont usually have that much of an issue or emotional reaction, he is triggered and acts unreasonably due to pain and fear because of his past.