Dear Jezz:

You wrote: “this is not co parenting”. And so, if he is not parenting her, then he really is not her dad. He is biologically her father, the man who’s sperm united with your egg, that is all.

“the wiring in my brain literally pulls me back into those feelings!!!”- yes, this is how our brains work. We feel certain things even if they don’t make any sense. This is why we need to remind ourselves of what does make sense, of what reality is (“I have to remind myself of all the horrible things I have suffered because of him!!!”

Regarding you “scratching and pushing him”, that does not make you responsible for him hitting you. But notice this: it does not make you responsible for him not being your daughter’s dad, for him using her as a bait, for him being financially irresponsible and dishonest.

I hope that you do your best to have no contact with him whatsoever and that you involve the police and keep a record of what he does to you, so to build a case against him, you may need to use such a record in a future court hearing.

anita