Home→Forums→Relationships→Help me understand this girl please
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Anonymous.
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September 26, 2018 at 9:22 am #227585
shypshniusParticipantSo i’ve met this new girl on tinder like 2 months ago. We used to chat every single day for like a month before we finally met 3 times. (she lives quite far so..). The thing is, she went to another country like 3 weeks ago to earn some money. She was planning to stay there for 2 months. We were still getting in contact with each other every single day, i usually called her twice a week too and we had great converstations even though she admitted that she feels quite depressed there and is usually really sad/in a bad mood. But the thing is: when i messaged her 3 days ago, she just randomly replied with: “we can’t talk anymore, please do not message me anymore”. I got really confused since i really liked this girl and i asked her what’s wrong. She just told me that, every time she talked on phone with me, she felt like she was getting really attached to me and she doesn’t want it. She also said: “i will message you myself when i can but it might take a long long time”. I just wished her good luck and that’s how it ended.. I feel really sad since we used to talk for like 2 straight months, almost every day.. The 3 dates we had were also great, in a romantic case too. So i really can’t tell why she decided to cut all the contact with me..
Any opinions appreciated. Thank you!
September 26, 2018 at 11:28 am #227647
AnonymousGuestDear shypshnius:
Three weeks ago she left to another country to make some money, you wrote, and she expressed to you that “she feels quite depressed there and is usually sad/ in a bad mood”. A little while later she ended the communication with you. When you asked her what was wrong, she told you that “she was getting really attached to(you) and she doesn’t want it”.
It reads believable to me that a person having left their home to another country, not having family/ friends there, will feel lonely, depressed and in a bad mood, like she told you. Such feelings could have caused her to want more communication with you, not less, or none.
Sometimes a person who needs someone else too much feels more comfortable not having contact with that person, it takes away the desperation, the wanting, makes being alone more comfortable.
There are other possibilities. What do you think so far?
anita
September 26, 2018 at 12:19 pm #227685shypshniusParticipant“Sometimes a person who needs someone else too much feels more comfortable not having contact with that person, it takes away the desperation, the wanting, makes being alone more comfortable.”
This was actually very well said, i have the same opinion as you.. I know in fact that she did feel depressed there, i could feel that from her voice and she even admitted that to me herself. She told me that every time she talks on phone with me, she gets more and more attached. She also mentioned that she has a hard time sleeping too. Maybe that’s the reason she wants to cut off the contact for now. I have a feeling that she will reach out to me again, probably in 2-3 weeks when she comes back. I just don’t know how i should react when she reaches out again. I was thinking of saying something like: ” I’m not a toy you put on a shelf until you decide you want me again.”
September 26, 2018 at 12:56 pm #227697AnonymousGuestDear shypshnius:
I understand that you are angry. If that was her motivation, I understand her, but I also understand your frustration and anger. If she reaches out to you, and you make available for her to reach out to you, ask her to explain what she was thinking and feeling at the time, so that you can verify the assumption you and I brought up. Maybe some of it is true but there is more to it. Then take it from there.
You are welcome to post here anytime, and if she reaches out to you, you can post then as you figure out how to respond.
* I will be away from the computer for about fifteen hours.
anita
September 27, 2018 at 5:37 am #227757
InkyParticipantHi sypshnius,
I wouldn’t take what she said personally. That said, I wouldn’t be so quick to pick up the phone/social media/text when she contacts you again. Keep her hanging, about three days. Then have your response be shorter than her initial communication. Even though you’re not taking it personally (I hope!) you DO have to teach people how to treat you!
Good Luck,
Inky
October 13, 2018 at 4:18 pm #230847shypshniusParticipantQuick update.
So it actually turns out that she did find someone else abroad… I just saw a picture of her and her new boyfriend with their legs crossed at the beach lol…
I’m still quite sure she will message me. Probably as soon as she will come back home and once she starts feeling lonely again. I’m just not sure yet how i will respod to that. I will call her out on that for sure…
October 14, 2018 at 7:27 am #230885AnonymousGuestDear shypshnius:
Remember you didn’t have a monogamous, committed relationship before she left the country. You talked for about two months and met three times. Do you feel that she betrayed you by being at the beach with another guy?
anita
October 14, 2018 at 7:39 am #230891shypshniusParticipantNo, i do not feel betrayed or anything. Just felt bad cause she wanted to completely cut off all contact even though she enjoyed talking to me etc.
October 14, 2018 at 7:41 am #230893AnonymousGuestDear shyphshnius:
If she contacts you when she returns to your country, do bring it up, of course, your hurt about her cutting all contact with you. Ask her why she did that. Listen to what she says, how she responds about your feelings having been hurt.
anita
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