I’ll try to do this.  I’m writing down some things now to keep with me.  I know one thing. I’m so tired of waking up every single morning and thinking about her.  I have a feeling i’ll be caring a whole lot of balloons for a while.  Just because i am kind of OCD ish.  I’m really trying.  I do turn off the radio or change the station a lot anymore, because there are so many songs that remind me of her.  Especially Faithfully, seems like that one has been on a lot.  I have to turn the station real fast.  That one really tugs at my heart.  there is a lyric in it that talks about learning to love each other all over again.  When i hear that, my mind goes into overload thinking that someday….  Someday maybe 10 years from now we will be together again.  I know it’s all crap and isn’t meant to be (if it was, then she would have really talked to me about everything before it was too late).  However, I still get those feelings.

I’m going to really try to do this.  I think the hardest thing is hurting as much as i do daily.  I miss her so much.  I don’t understand that.  How can i miss somebody like this for this long.  Especially when i have someone else?

Damn!  I’m crying again.

I’m confident and strong right!  I will make those notes now and put in my pocket.  I need to get past this.  Hurting like this every day is going to kill me.  It’s no way to live.