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    Hi there. Been awhile. Thanks for your last response. I’ve been trying to not be on here unless I really need somewhere to vent.
    I was watching tv tonight and saw a show that really put me back a bit.  Really hit home. Ended up crying again. I miss her so much sometimes. Like now. It hurts so much. I’m sure I’ll be feeling better later or tomorrow. It just sucks that I still get like this. I hate it. Wow. The human heart is something g else. I would still walk through hell for her. It feels like I do that everyday in hopes that she will be there for me when I’m done.  I just want to see her and tell her I love her more than anyone ever can. I know that’s the worse thing I could ever do. Wishful thinking I guess that I would and she would call into my arms.
    thanks for listening. I just had to get it off my chest.


    thank you for responding.  you have no idea how comforting it is to be able to talk to someone that has been experiencing the same things i have.  i have been trying, been trying to tell myself that I can be happy again.  that someday , I may find love like that again.  That i’m a good person and i deserve the best.  but somehow i seem to end of back like it was yesterday that I lost her. i really wish i could just let her go.  I think that part of me is afraid to because if i do and she does someday come back that i’ll miss the chance.  honestly i feel like i may of had a chance two xmas’s ago when she started talking to me  again out of the blue.  Really talking to me telling me feelings, until my ex girlfriend found out and contacted her, putting an end to that.  It’s so hard to think that she isn’t thinking about me, that she doesn’t love me.

    I know for a fact from a source that she is “very happy”.  I think i get resentment with that.  What gives her the right to be so happy, while I’m still here in the rubble from what was left over. suffering and struggling just to make it through every day.  It is so unfair.

    I really don’t understand the universe or karma or whatever.  It is very ironic and weird to me tho how when i met her, she was in this state that i’m in.  I was the one that helped her recover, i was the one that brought her laugh and smile back(she told me that several times), i was the one that helped her grow and be better, then i get thrown away(or so it feels).  And how she absolutely hated her ex husbands girlfriend(even though they did nothing wrong), is how i feel about her boyfriend how.  I despise him for ever coming into her life.  I know that’s not right, but it’s how I feel.  and then now… my current ex girlfriend is in the same state of mind/heart that i was/am with my first ex.  It’s like a bad disease that just gets passed on the next lover, except i still have it.  i haven’t recovered.

    I know I was probably a rebound type of thing with her, that I was fun and exciting and new, and then over time it got too real.  And now she is with someone that it’s all normal.  I know that the distance helped ruin things, that if i was closer ,that thing may have been different.  I know that there are so many factors that i didn’t have any control over that contributed to this.  It’s just so hard to be able to let go 100%.  I feel like i don’t want to lose any chance I may ever have with her again if i am not here and available.  And yes, i know that is a bad way to go about life and live my life.

    Everything is just hard.  I feel so alone anymore.  I hurt so much on  a daily basis.  I’ve gotten pretty good at putting on a fake smile and happy face, but inside i’m just empty and cold.  Still to this day, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her.  Which I know is unhealthy for me.  But it’s true.  I hate her having that kind of control over me.

    i so bad just want to talk to her and tell her that i’ve never stopped loving her and that I’m sorry for the things that I did that made her leave me and that i would do anything for another chance.  I know that is one of the worst things i could do though.  Man this is hard, i think it’s harder then before.

    I feel like i’m just clinging on to her memory afraid if i let go that i will forget.


    i’m in a bad place.  I tried to make the most of the holidays.  i’m so tired of hurting and hurting people around me.  i try to do these things you say, but i still just feel the same.  Like i’m missing a part of me.  god it hurts.  i really wish i would have never met her.  i’m sorry to dump, but i have no where else to vent to.  All of my friends and family are tired of my same ole shit.  none of them understand, how can they until they go through this.  i see people that have loved like this, then lost, then next thing you know they are in love again with marriage plans.  I don’t understand how they can just be done and let go.  i want that so bad.  again, sorry for this.  i’m just lost and lonely.



    I’ve been thinking a lot over this last weekend.  I really do think my ex just was lonely and didn’t like to see that i was with someone.  She found out that me and my current ex broke up and she moved out.  After that pretty much all contact from her stopped. Just really amazing to me.  You would think if she did care she would ask me  how i’m doing or something.  I think all she really cares about is herself and that i’m not happy or with someone.  She was the same way with her ex-husband when I was with her.  She HATED his girlfriend with a passion.  Even thought they got together after she left him.   Same thing.  She does have issues.  The more i think about it the more I do realize how much double standards she had/has.  If she messaged me or anything and I didn’t respond or said the wrong thing then I haven’t changed or i was ignoring her, but if i said the same about her she would get upset.  God forbid if i was to message her and ask her if she was ignoring me now or something like that.

    Even though i am learning a lot about how immature she is and the type of person she is, I still do feel for her though.  I guess when you really love someone,  I mean REALLY love someone with all of your heart and soul, it’s hard to see the bad and accept that and move on to something else.  I am trying tho.  I really am.  It’s just incredible hard some days.  like today.  I just want to talk to her and tell her everything about how I really feel about everything that has happened.  In fact, I had a dream the other night that I bumped into her.  She asked me how i was doing and I told her everything.  I told her that i’ve never stopped loving her and that I’ve thought about her every day since she left me.  Well, before she responded, I woke up!  Just a dream anyways right?

    Well maybe she is done contacting me for good this time.  I will just try my best to go on with my life and hope that she doesn’t.  Or if she does it’s for the right reasons.



    I’d just ask your friend’s wife “hey, I noticed you guys are friends on Facebook now. How did that happen?” or something like that

    I did ask her as soon as i found out.  I told her  i was dumbfounded and curious why.  All she told me was “Sorry, i didn’t realize being friends with someone on FB would be so bad.  We have been for awhile.”  This is right after I recently poured my heart out to her about how I was feeling.  And like i said, she hated her.  She disliked  her even when we were dating.  It’s just really freaking odd to me.

    on a side note.  Me ex’s son’s birthday was on the 19th.  I sent her a message and told her to wish him a happy birthday for me, unless it would be weird.  Mainly just curious to her response.  She said thanks, but yes it would be weird.  I didn’t respond.  I wanted to say almost as weird as you friending my best friends wife?  But I didn’t think that would have been a mature response.

    Yeah, honestly, from what you’ve said, your ex seems really quite immature and has a lot of growth to do, especially with the way she keeps coming in and out of your life, and especially if you think she’s mainly only talking to you when she’s lonely or possibly it could be a feed to her ego, knowing she still has you on a string, even when you were with someone else. That’s not a good quality for a life partner at all. I hope you’re able to use this time to yourself to build yourself to the point where you know you deserve better than that and you’ll attract someone who will give you better and TRULY be the right match for you.


    I agree.  There really is no reason for her to have ever reached out to me like she has done time and time again, or said the things she has if she i really happy and in love, unless she is messed up and needs that control or power(ego) knowing she can always do that.  Or unless she can’t handle me being happy with someone else and now she knows I am alone  and that is why she has stopped communicating again.  I hate mind games.  It is really hard though.  Like you have felt about your ex.  I really do love her more than I could ever imagine was possible.  I hate that i fell so hard for someone and became so vulnerable and weak.  Love is an amazing thing.  it can bring a dead person to life and at the same time put someone in the grave.


    I see your points.  It’s just very hard.  As far as them bumping into each other.  That wouldn’t happen, we are in different towns far apart.  There is only one or two reasons I could think of.  1.  My ex was curious about me and my life and reached out to her because she couldn’t reach me.  or 2.  my best friends wife contacted her to find out for herself why she did this to me.  I really do not see any other reason why either person would have contacted each other.

    It’s all very very confusing and odd timing.  The reason I say that is because on October 15th i sent my friends wife a text with a pic of an old FB reminder post I forgot to delete.  It was about the last weekend we spent together out of town and how nice it was 2 years ago.  I asked her “why am i such a mess, that i wish i could be happy for what I have instead of miserable for what I lost, that it’s been 2 years and i still miss her and think about her every day.”

    At that time (Oct 15th) as far as I knew they were not FB friends.

    Then, on Oct. 28th is when I saw that they were friends on FB.  WOW.  how’s that for a “coincidence”.  Ugh.  Just seems very odd to me.  Literally there is no one in each others lives besides me that would cause their paths to cross.  and it is almost physically improbable that they would.

    I will ask her about it when the time is right.  I do need to know why and who reached out to who.   The problem is that she has changed also.  She is not the woman she used to be.  I’ve known her for over 20 years and she has become more of a selfish, two faced person.  Very hard to still have the love and respect for her as my sister(what i’ve always considered her as) that I used to.  In fact last summer I found out that she had been cheating on my best friend with the same guy that she was “talking to” almost 2 years ago.   They are working it out.  Out of respect for both of them(mostly my best friend), i supported it and was there for each of them.  Then for her to do something like this and not even have the courtesy to tell me or ask me if it would bother me.  Especially after all i have confided in her and poured my soul out to her.  She even told me once that if i EVER started seeing her again, that she would not be friends with her.

    Like i said, it’s just very confusing and the timing…  also given the fact that my ex reached out to me about the same time.  AGAIN.  Which speaking of that, i did entertain that.  I played that word game with her off and on.  we chatted on the game just a couple times, nothing substantial, just surface talk.  I haven’t heard from her in over a week now(which is probably best).  Typical of her tho.  The nice thing is that it’s not really bothering me like i thought it would.  It’s actually solidifying what i think she is doing.  I think she was lonely(because her man was still working in another state) and when she gets that way started thinking of me and reached out.  I’m pretty sure he has been back home now for a week or so.  Kind of explains a lot.

    All this being said, i think (i could be way off) that my ex, couldn’t handle the idea of me with another woman.  She hated her from the start, even though she was in bed with her man well before I even met her and she didn’t even know her.  I think that my ex did do something(cheated on me somehow-phycially or emotionally) and could never admit it and she always felt guilt for that.  She showed many signs of it when we were at the end of our relationship.

    In the end none of that matters.  I know that.  It’s just things I think about and i really appreciate this forum and being able to express myself.  thank you for listening.



    I tell you though, it is really eating me alive wondering why in the heck my best friends wife decided to friend my ex considering that she “hated” her so much and who initiated it.  I can’t lie, it really bothers me.  I don’t know if I should confront her (my best friends wife) or just leave it alone.  You have no idea how bad i want to see my ex’s FB page, just to see what she has posted about her Boyfriend.  If anything to help me move on even more. Like if I could see a bunch of lovey dovey posts.  She never did that stuff  with me.

    As more time goes on, I really do think i was some kind of rebound for her.  I was what she needed at that point in time to get her out of her slump she was in, but as time grew on maybe she saw me more as a friend.  After all, i never stood up to her like I should have as a man or boyfriend.  I let her walk all over me repeatedly and use me as a “door mat” as she would say.

    In the meantime, my current ex is doing everything I did, still texting me, telling me she misses me, how she doesn’t understand, ect.  It’s nice to see how I became( i was the same way with my previous ex), but it also kills me knowing this now, knowing how I thought i was just communicating, when actually when she needed me to leave her alone I was doing just the opposite big time, causing her to pull away even harder.  Definitely a real eye opener.  But still hard to learn from.

    relationships are crazy, people and emotions are crazy.  It’s all crazy.  I just hope that someday when I start looking again that I will meet that someone that really is “the one”.  Right now, it’s hard to fathom because I still do think about her more than I should.  And honestly if she was to come back to me, i would have a hard time standing up for myself.  She really is my kryptonite.  The love that I have for her is unreal or unexplainable.  I hate that.  I hate that there isn’t a logical reason I feel like this and that I can’t change it.

    Oh well though right??  Still trying to just get back on my feet again.  Just hard is all.  really really hard.


    Thank you for your advice.  It makes good sense.  for the whole soul mate thing though.  we will see on that ;).  only time will tell.

    One thing i have noticed even though it’s only been a couple days.  I haven’t been thinking about my previous ex as much as I was when my current ex was still living with me.  I think all the drama and suffering i was dealing with on a daily basis, just made me dwell on the past that much more.  Now i can focus on just me and my girls.  I am defiantly looking forward to this.  I’m looking forward to being the man I used to be.

    My oldest daughter and grandson are coming over friday for dinner, saturday for the football game, and for thanksgiving.  and I am going crabbing with a buddy the saturday after thanksgiving.  Already make in plans and tentatively enjoying my life again.  I really can’t wait to rebuild my life and get back to doing things I used to and having fun like I used to.  Life is way too short to go through it hating, angry, and miserable.


    Well my current ex-girlfriend moved out this last weekend.  I feel horrible.  She moved back into her old house that her mom owns.   She is in dire straights trying to be able to afford it there and her kids are crushed as well having to switch schools and leave my house.  Today was the first day at the new school and her daughter was crying.

    I really hate this.  I know it’s for the best, but part of me would rather suffer than see them all suffer.  To make things worse, her family isn’t really giving her any emotional support.  I don’t understand her family at all.  I talked to my ex-father in law about all of this recently(he went through a similar situation when his wife left him a few years ago).  I told him that I don’t understand her family at all.  I know it’s not their responsibly to support or take care of her financially, but you would think they would all step up and help.  He even said if i was in that situation he would let me stay there for free until I got on my feet, which is what family and friends should do, not treat my ex like they are.  Like she has the plague.

    Her oldest daughter is sharing the place with her and she is even being an asshole.  She doesn’t work, just has a baby and doesn’t help out at all and is a jerk to her little brother and sister making things worse.  I feel absolutely horrible about all of this.  I know exactly how she is feeling and the thoughts that are running through her head.  I am trying to be there for her if she needs help, but i don’t know if that is making things worse or better.  When my ex before her left me, it was cut and dry and DONE.  no going back.  She just left me hanging out to dry.  That was the worst feeling in the world not knowing why someone could just give up that easily.  Now i’m doing it to my current ex.  Like i said, i am still here for her if she needs and have told her everything and why, but she still doesn’t understand.  She told me she feels like she lost her life.  Which I understand.  I felt the same way.  We(my previous and I) had life plans together, then the dream was gone overnight.  It’s crushing to the soul and heart.  The one thing I had was that I was still able to provide for me and my kids and not have to move and start over like she is.

    This is so hard.  I know some of you think i am a jerk and not a nice person, but I really do have a big heart and seeing someone hurt like this is devastating.  I think that’s why i tried to make it work for so long.  I wish there was something i could do to make things better for her.  Unfortunately the only thing would be to not have her have moved out, but like i told her.  If she didn’t, then i would of ended up hating her and it would have ended very badly.

    I’m not looking for pity.  I’m the last person that deserves that.  I just want to heal her pain and suffering and I can’t.  I know that because of what I went through.  I hate how this is all such a big lesson for me.  A lesson of my previous relationship and finally understanding how she felt, a lesson in letting go of someone before it gets to this point if I have doubts in the beginning (like you all told me to do).  I feel like such a jerk.

    Love really does stink.   I honestly feel like there is only one person for everyone and unfortunately that one person may not see that in you and see it in someone else.  I have decided that when I am able to start dating again(which will be a long time), i’m not going to date for love.  I’m just going to date to have fun.  Love hurts way too much all around and is way to confusing.

    So many regrets… still feeling them every day.


    Thanks Valora.

    Well she is moving out with in a couple/few weeks.  She started packing yesterday.  She is going to be in a hardship, but her mom is going to try to help.. Her kids were upset.  Especially her daughter.  She thought that i would never see her(her daughter) again.  I told her that she can come and visit me and the girls when she wants if we can make it happen.  She was also upset about changing schools and being embarrassed about going back to her old school, so i told her about my history as a child and how much i switched schools and that her old friends are going to be excited to see her again.  When we were done talking she felt pretty good.  As far as my girls… They were both excited.  I guess that goes to show something there.  My “roommate” thought that i was going to just go completely out of the picture.  I told her I would never do that to her kids, especially considering my child hood and issues I had with visitation with my oldest.  I am like a father to her kids.    I figure when they are gone, if they want to visit or stay the night when i have my girls, then no worries.  And that eventually over time they will fade out.  If not, then that is okay too.   I did make sure to clarify that doesn’t mean we are still trying.

    As far as my friends wife and my ex.  I am still just blown away and in disbelief.  It’s not like we share a circle of friends or acquaintances to where this is something that would happen because of that.  either of them had to intentionally look up the other one for a reason.  What ever it is, i am going to do my best to stay out of it and not assume anything.  Really, this is none of my business and I have to treat it that way.  Like you said, who knows why and the intention, but you never know what could come of this.  I am not going to push for anything or try to make anything happen.  I’m just going to focus on myself and learn to love myself again.  Maybe in time i will get back to the man I was and my ex will see that and reach out?  OR maybe she is truly in love with her man and she will be with him forever, Or maybe i will eventually find someone else that does fit me, or maybe in the end I will learn how to be just friends.

    I do know that I can’t dwell on that and try to make anything happen.  What will be will be.  For now it’s all about me and making me better.

    That being said.  I still miss her every day, so this will be very difficult especially if they continue to start commenting on each others pages.


    Hello, i know, or i get the impression most of you are done listening to me.  I need to talk and have no body to confide in, so this is it.  Even if i get no responses, It will help me just writing this out.

    since my last post, my girlfriend and i have been doing this break up/make up routine every weekend.  Big drawn out ugly fights, then in a day or two we get back together.  Well last night we got into a big one.  Long story short, I told her i need to be alone with my girls and she asked if I would be okay with her not there.  She asked if i would miss her.  I told her i would be fine.  I would miss her, but as a friend.  That I am done and need to be alone so I can fix myself.  So I think that finally did it.  Today she said she changed her status on FB and is packing and going to stay in her sons room until she can find somewhere to go.  Her family is screwed up.  All they want is money from her and none of them are stepping up to help.  I hope that now they will.  She needs love and support.  I feel so bad about all of this.  Seeing her cry  and hurt breaks my heart.  And the kids… They are going to be devastated.  I know this is toxic for everyone to continue what we have been doing and in the long run it will be better for everyone, but it is so hard and painful.  We all hurt tremendously.

    Another thing surfaced as well in my life.  Turns out my Best friends wife recently became friends with my ex on FB also recently.  That was definitely a big blow to me.  I’ve know her for over twenty years, she knows how I feel and has been a front row witness to my pain and struggle.  I have confided in her over the last year and a half about my feelings and how I am doing.  She didn’t even really like my ex, especially after we broke up-she hated her.  Now this?  Then my ex posted a comment on her time line!  What the hell?   I feel so betrayed by my friends wife.  She is like a sister to me.  I can’t help but wonder who reached out to who and why?  I know it doesn’t matter, but damn.  Even when we were together my friends wife pretty much ignored her and gave her the cold shoulder.  I am so lost with everything.   I know that seeing my friends wife be friends with my ex shouldn’t even bother me and is none of my business, but it does and it hurts and is very confusing.  I feel like everything is crashing down around me.  I’m not looking for sympathy, just need to express myself.  I can’t even talk to my best friend who i’ve know for over 30 years now because of conflict of interest.

    The only thing I do know is i’m not backing down with my girlfriend this time.  This time it is final. WE are finally over.  I know it’s going  to get uglier before it gets better, but I can only hope that she is able to leave my house soon and I can rebuild myself like i need to.  And i hope she can as well.  I do love and care for her, just not in love with her like I should be.

    I am so ready for this year to be over.  I really hope I am able to make next a good one, be positive and rebuild myself and my life.  For me and my girls.



    well, we talked last sunday.  I told her that i was upset that she didn’t even want to talk to me before she made a decision on taking up her brothers offer.  It got into a pretty heated discussion.  At the end she ended up talking to her mom and brother and was going to move out at the end of this week.  Then she figured out  cost of the rent and utilities that they wanted from her was too much and she could not afford it.  not without giving up her car which would put her in a bad situation having two kids.  Basically the $$ was too much for her to afford.  So she is stuck at my house.  I really wish she didn’t have kids.  It would make things so much easier.  She has applied at low income housing and is looking into that.  until then we are making do.  She is clear on how I feel now, although she still has this hope she is clinging to that things are good.  Even though they are not.  After my week with my kids is over (monday), i’m going to have another talk with her and tell her that just because she is staying there, that doesn’t mean that we are good.  I  am done.  I’m tired of this situation.  I know that we aren’t compatible and that the more she is there the more irritable I get.  I’m going to make that loud and clear for her.  I just want to wait until after my kids are at their mothers to talk again.  I just wish her kids had a place to go too.  It is amazing the relief I felt when we decided for her to move out by the end of the week, then the resentment i felt when we found out it’s not financially possible for her.  I am really done now though.  The feeling i got when she said she was leaving was amazing.  Like i could finally breathe again.  A real eye opener for me.  It is going to be a rough few weeks until she can figure things out.  hopefully this will motivate her more though.


    she has, she only gets $90 in food stamps, no cash assistance.  For daycare she would have to pay the first $400.  She did fill out an application for low income housing, however the waiting list for that could be up to 3 years.   So who knows when and what is going to  happen.

    Here is something that is really messed up.  Her brother ended and kicked out his girlfriend.  he told her she could move in if she paid $400 and utilities.  Her kids would of had to share  a room, but she would have been back close to her family and friends and her kids have lots 0f friends there.  We talked about it and i told her that i thought it was a good idea.  Then before we could talk more, she told her brother no, that she couldn’t afford it and that she didn’t want to move her kids, just to have to move them again later.  She decided all of this without having a final discussion with me first.  So i was going to bring it back up to her Monday after work ( i would have sooner, but we had our daughters birthday parties on Sunday and I didn’t want to ruin that for them) and tell her that I think she needs to do that, that I would even help pay if necessary for a month or two.  but once again drama struck.  her oldest daughter had baby daddy problems and had to move out of her apartment ASAP(he got violent).  So she moved in to my girlfriends brothers house instead.

    I tell you, it is amazing how things work.  I had my opportunity and i missed it.  She knows that i’m not in love with her, but she is still hanging on, trying to do whatever she can to make it happen…  HMMMM sounds familiar.  i guess in a way i’m doing the same thing in my head with the ghost in my past.


    Well, nothing much to say.  She is still in total denial.  Things have gotten worse.  I’m really trying to end this and get it through her head.  I really don’t want to  have to sell all my things so I can move, but I guess it may come to that.  I’m so done, but i feel so responsible for her and her kids.  This situation is the worst thing ever.  To make things even worse, I really feel like everyday that I deal with her, it makes me dwell on my past more and more.  Today was a really hard one.  I cried again.  I feel like my heart breaks over again every day.  I am a mess.  I am going to look back into counseling as soon as I can afford it.  unfortunately this situation as got me down to the penny every paycheck now.  I haven’t been in this bad of shape for years.  I’m not looking for pity or even a response.  I just needed to say something to someone.  Sorry for the repeat of my shit.  Thanks for listening.


    but if you two fight again and she launches into the “this is about me!” thing, I think you need to let her know it IS her, too.  Her reactions to things are not at all healthy (and there is no excuse for it anymore. You’ve been faithful so she needs to trust you), and that’s putting a huge strain on your relationship too

    I actually did tell her that much.  I told her that her insecurities are causing a lot of issues and that I know i screwed up in the past, however I haven’t been talking to anyone for a long, long time.  That i’ve even quit talking to my sister about our relationship.  That god forbid i would want to hang out with my best friend for a little bit because the would be at home stewing the whole time thinking i’m doing something else or seeing someone else.

    Aside from that, you two just aren’t compatible, so it’s you, her, and both of you together that isn’t working.

    I told her this also.  That we can have fun together, but we don’t fit together, that we are not compatible.  I’ve told her that several times.


    anita, the kids were at their older sisters that night.  So it was just me and her at home.

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