Just relax, John. Take a deep breath and relax. Everything will be okay. This mud ball exercise isn’t meant to take up so much of your energy. It’s more about getting you to notice that when you buy into your thoughts, they can derail you. Just notice that. Simply noticing shouldn’t take much energy at all. It’s about becoming aware. That’s the first step. Next, once you are aware and able to see your thoughts for what they really are — silly ridiculous nothings that don’t need your attention — it’ll be easier to detach from them.  But that’s the second step; you may not be there yet. The simple realization, step one,  may relax you. It relaxes me.

You say  I really wish i would of never met her.  Do you think that it may be possible that going through all this pain is actually a blessing in disguise for you? After all, this pain of yours has pushed you to the point where you really need to address your obsessive compulsive thinking, don’t you think? You are over 50 years old — now’s the time, John! You now have an opportunity to learn strategies to handle all of your derailing thoughts. Don’t waste this opportunity!