Hi!

So I have been completely freaking out lately because of me feeling like I lost my feelings for my boyfriend and my mind has convinced me that I have, yet when I look at pictures and videos I get this small inkling inside me of happiness saying what are you saying, you need this terrible feeling to go away. Help!!

So I started college this past fall and I really did not want to go. I loved my life this past summer and put off college as much as possible. I was so so in love with my boyfriend and never wanted to do anything without him. We did everything together, and even when I thought of school and having a long distance relationship I immediately started to cry. He left a week before me, and I was devastated. I had no doubts and knew that I loved him so much. My first week at school was rough, I was always texting him and I felt very uncomfortable. I wanted to go back and relive summer. The next weekend I went to visit him and was nervous, yet the weekend ending up being fine and I had no doubts. I felt very uncomfortable at his school and did not mesh well with his friends knowing that they were not like him. It worried me. I left his school that weekend a complete mess and immediately getting back to my college I remember calling my mom telling her that I was worried about him and how different his friends were than him. A couple days after getting back was when these doubts took over. I kept having my mind telling me things like “Maybe you don’t want this” and “Maybe you don’t like him anymore.” These thoughts have taken over my life making me so sick. I started thinking so much texting him and talking to him like “do I want to talk to him?’ “Does he make me happy? You aren’t so happy right now..”  I cannot concentrate on anything and my heart races so fast everyday and  even when I think of it I start to panic. I ended up telling him how I felt and he was hurt and I really felt terrible because I don’t know why these thoughts are in my brain and making me feel so disgusting and anxious. We took a break for a night for me to think and I immediately told him that I wanted to fix this. How could I be doubting the one person who made me the happiest I’ve ever been? He ended up coming  2 weekends ago to visit. I got myself in such a tizzy that I just had thoughts like “What if I don’t feel right” before he came and my mind kept telling me that I didn’t like him that I myself ruined the weekend. The whole time I felt anxious, not feeling a happy emotion, only grossness and nerves taking over. It didnt make sense because I still held his hand and hugged him but kept doubting it because of this sickening feeling and thoughts in my head. I felt terrible. It was like I was looking for things why I don’t like him, overanalyzing his looks and even if I “really” want to hug him and be with him. Right before he left we had a talk and decided to take a break, for me to figure out whats going on and why I feel like this about him and everything. I also have been stressing so much about my schoolwork freaking out about every grade and every assignment. Also the days I seem to be more stressed, the more my mind tells me that I don’t love my boyfriend, that I don’t want to be with him. I also feel terrible because he is heartbroken knowing I’m feeling this way and is still there for me and is waiting. I really need help, I truly want to fix this and go back to that amazing feeling I had with him before but I just feel sick. My mind seems to be convincing me that I do not want to be with him, and I am also so scared for making the wrong decision that I do but my body isn’t allowing me. A past boyfriend really hurt me, and it took me a long time to trust my current boyfriend becoming comfortable and confident. I also remember going to my mom and telling her I wasn’t sure about him in the beginning, and she would tell me that I would see him tomorrow and that I be fine. And I was always reassured when I saw him. Now I can’t just see him to be reassured.  The other day he told me he was going to a party and my heart dropped just like when we were together and I saw on Instagram that he liked another girls picture and also got a terrible feeling inside. I feel as my emotion towards him is just nerves and uncertainty and I don’t understand it. I just want to go back to being confident in my relationship and him, because it took me so long to open up to someone, and he loves me with all his heart.

Please help me with what I should do because this terrible feeling inside me will not go away, and I’m sick of feeling like this all the time. I am making myself sick, and my emotions are numb and puzzled because I just feel anxious all the time.