Dear anita: I apologise for the brief descriptions please feel free to ask me any more questions I have failed to mention.

Guy no 2 keeps to himself and for him to actually open up to me and share his story about his personal life with me was incredibly touching because now I understand he is willing to communicate with me about his problems we both share, unlike guy no 1 the first time around it was incredibly difficult to open up to him. We both share the same values and sense of humour, I think we are different personality wise but we somehow ‘click’. I am the first girl this new guy has romantic feelings for, this to me is both a pro and con as it could mean a fresh start for me to venture with someone new but it also means he doesn’t really carry the experience of a relationship and dealing with the ups and downs when I know I want a committed stable relationship.

Guy no 1 we started off as best friends turned lovers about a year and a half ago, we ‘dated’ for 9 months, there were good times and bad times. Incredibly toxic bad times but when it was good I felt like he bought the best out in me. (At this current moment in time we’re back to friends and he only brings out the best in me now and so far I cannot see any toxic signals, he is supportive of my accomplishments this year). The question I’m asking myself is that is this a facade to win me back or is he genuine, I feel like he is genuine but one must always be careful. In his eyes, last year he didn’t see us in a serious relationship and this was purely down to lack of communication. He was seen as the macho hero by all the women in my college so comforted their brokenness with lust, obviously, once I found out, I left. And I think that hit him hard, to lose someone he actually did truly care despite his idiotic mistakes. He’s still ever so determined to prove he is the right guy for me and that he made mistakes he regrets and has good pure intentions this time around from my eyes.

Guy no 1 I don’t know what it is but my heart keeps holding a piece of him, I am a stronger individual that’s why I feel if we were to get into a relationship I would be able to see the warning signs if there would be any, though this time around I honestly think he has changed into a better person both for him and myself. Guy 2 I think I’m infatuated to almost go on an ‘adventure’ with someone new who logically seems like the better option for me and I think it’s the thought of whether this is just an infatuation or somehow a lot deeper and worthwhile, a part of me is still unsure.

Also, I should note Guy no 1 and 2 are incredibly close friends so I feel like if I make the right decision now there won’t be a rift in any of our friendships. (We’re all in the same college).

Dear Anita:

Is there anything else I have not explained so well that I can go into further detail?

I do understand where you are coming from regarding experience.

Ps, we are still late teens. He is definitely straight, but I don’t think he’s taken anything further with a girl more than a platonic friendship because he wasn’t one to believe in love, following his parents up and down marriage but I’m not one to comment on why he hasn’t, he is very work and family orientated and prides those rather than love.

Dear Anita:

A long-term relationship is my plan, thus leading towards marriage or a long-term partnership, in my culture, we marry early- and I am sure the other two men have similar plans.

And I don’t know if I mistyped? But it was guy 1 who had previous toxic traits who I’ve had a history with, guy 2 is completely new.

But yes, when we were ‘dating’, my head would be going round in circles because I felt something was wrong like I was doing something wrong when I know deep down it wasn’t my fault till i confided in a friend of mine who warned me of certain rumours. Simply he was having sexual connections with other women behind my back. I think it was when communication seemed to be overwhelming for him he turned to release and spill emotionally into other women. For a while, I thought I was going crazy because he always tried to conceal the truth till I confronted him adamantly and then he told me every single detail of his sexual relations which really did crush his ego back then. I remember him saying that I had a good heart and I used to be naive so it was easy for him to do what he wanted, ultimately that was quite a bittersweet truth. I decided to focus on myself and self-love and realise I deserved a lot better. I focused on independence and hobbies such as writing and swimming.

Anyhow ever since, he seemed to feel like he lost a part of him because he is not a bad guy he’s just made some stupid immature mistakes. He also invested in self-love over the year and seemed to really become more mature. And I feel like he realised my true worth when I left. One would say to never go back to something which once broke you, but my dilemma is what if this person is making me feel like I am at my happiest at this current moment and genuinely realises he was in the wrong and wants to correct this and start again? Would it be stupid to give another chance?

Dear Anita

Honestly, I truly understand where you are coming from and I agree.

I just am unsure whether people have the ability to change and if so, if guy 1 is genuine I weirdly feel like he is the better one for me purely down to him really trying to prove he is the one and some part of my heart is still with him due to this new fulfilling chemistry that doesn’t involve toxicity. How do you prove someone’s authenticity?  I’m struggling to understand why I feel this connection with guy 1 even when CLEARLY guy 2 seems the better option for me, maybe you could enlighten me?

Many thanks.

Dear Anita:

I mean a lot does change in a year, I think all three of us are stronger more mature and cautious individuals- but wow haha you certainly enlightened me!

(Guy 1) In your opinion, even with all these risks- could this risk possibly in any mind be worth taking or does the destruction overpower any new sign of love? I really do think he has changed at this moment in time, but I know people have a habit of returning to their old ways, so I guess the only way to tell is time? How much time till I can see everything clearly.

I’m trying to play devil’s advocate with myself because in the past i regretted not taking chances again that I could have. Also considering I’m friends with guy 1- would it be wise to just continue our friendship considering there have been no problems so far or would I have to be careful with it blossoming?

Regarding guy 2, if the friendship develops I can see how he would be the better choice, I guess this is now an opinion of me unleashing my soul to a new person which could take some time as well of course.

Thank you so far for everything you’re certainly opening my eyes to the risks and possibilities, I think I need to keep my options open and have some more me time? 🙂