Dear Feathering:

Waiting for the anxiety to subside before responding is a very good idea. I hope you do meet and have a better understanding.

I am glad you have good relationships with your parents, currently.

You wrote: “The expectation of continual unconditional love is the fantasy. The pain of multiple rejections (which, to the child mind, were forever) is still very real and very valid and needs to be honored”- I agree, very well articulated. I agree because I don’t think there are parents in the world who are always positively attentive to their children, never expressing annoyance or criticism, true.

And so, every child is bound to  get hurt, because every rejection hurts, and there will be rejections. Thing is, repeatedly rejecting the child and neglecting to see that the child is hurt day after day, year after year, and adding hurt to hurt by continuing to hurt the child, that is.. well, that is common, unfortunately.

anita