Dear John:

I have a better understanding of that feeling you had with her, that hard to describe feeling and the longing you have for that feeling to be back in your life. It is a feeling we all long for, we all had and lost.

This feeling, it really is the best feeling in the world, it is the feeling a very young child has when with his or her parent. The child feels it and doesn’t have the words to describe it, doesn’t need to describe it, he just feels it. It is the best feeling in the world.

Here is the problem: when you were with her, you felt it but not continuously. It is impossible to feel it continuously. We only get a feel of it, here and there, a sniff, a taste of it and it is gone. But the longing, that is continuous.

If you were back in a relationship with her, your ex, you will still get at best a taste  of it here and there and be miserable most of the time, longing for more of that feeling, just as you are longing for it now.

None of us in adulthood can satisfy that need for that feeling. Once it is not satisfied in childhood, it cannot  possibly be satisfied in adulthood. It can’t be done. It is a longing that cannot be satisfied.

Basically, in your mind, you are chasing a fantasy, something that no matter what, you can not grab and hold. You can go on and on here on your thread about it, imagining that you had it and maybe some day you can have it again- no, you had a taste of a feeling you cannot keep no matter what.

Wake up to your life here and now, as it is. This is all you have. Make the best of it.

anita