Dear John:

Too often this is the case  in marriages: the man is not  good enough, in the opinion of the wife, that is. And she lets the husband know that. She demands he makes changes so to approach that good-enough position but he never does,  fails sooner than later, more often sooner than expected. No, a man must never rest but tire himself to death trying  to be good enough for the woman sitting in judgment. This is simply a common marital dynamic.

When the  husband dies early, having tried so hard and for so long, the wife in mourning says: he  was a good  man.  This may  be what is happening in your marriage. Do you think?

anita