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My boyfriend broke up with me because of his job/ parents?

HomeForumsRelationshipsMy boyfriend broke up with me because of his job/ parents?

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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • #238079
    Laden
    Participant

    Hi I’m feeling pretty devastated right now. My boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me yesterday. I initially brought it to his attention that I wanted to improve our communication because we were only seeing each other once every 2-3 weeks and not communicating much throughout the day. I did not want to break up, I just wanted to see how we could compromise.  He works full time and I am still in University. He said he would not be able to meet my needs because his job has long hours and now he will be working even more due to tax season.  I said I was willing to try but he said nothing would change.  He then brought up his parents and how they still don’t approve of us dating.  We are both South-Asian and have strict parents who insist we marry within our religion and ethnicity. The funny thing is we are from the same place, same religion, same caste, yet his mom still wants him to break up with me.  She wants to find him a girl that she knows is from a good family.  I told him early in that my dad has a drinking problem and he knows my family is low income. His family however is rich. At first he told me this was not a problem and he was fine with both. Once his parents found out we were dating (unplanned) he said his mom would not approve of my dad’s drinking.  He also told me she mentioned a story of how his cousin married a girl who stole his money and divorced him. His brother is dating a muslim girl (we are hindu) and his mother is extremely disapproving of it. He said, to his mom, our situation is just as bad but I don’t understand how. His brother is staying with his muslim girlfriend but my ex said he would not disrespect his mother the way his brother did.  But I don’t understand the issue since we are the same religion. I asked him if he was willing to try to work on our relationship but he seemed sure we should break up. He also said he didn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who felt like he was neglecting them. I just can’t believe we broke up over such a dumb reason. I can’t believe he has no backbone to his mother and would leave me just to satisfy her. He said he was sorry for hurting me and hopes I find someone who can give me everything I want. He never mentioned losing feelings for me but I don’t see how he could drop our relationship just like that, unless he did lose feelings. I know long term this is for the best because my needs were obviously not being met in that relationship, but it just hurts knowing our relationship meant so little to him. Any insight on a similar situation or anything would be appreciated.

     

     

     

    #238107
    Michelle
    Participant

    I am a white girl who was involved with a South Asian. While with me, I found out he was courting “suitable” women on the side to appease his parents (suitable meaning same culture, caste, religion … as well as light skinned and virgin). I joined this forum to try and make sense of that. It’s been years now and I still haven’t. I will personally never understand the reasonings of some people from this background.

    You are in a situation that is even MORE ideal that I was … and it still isn’t working out. I can’t answer that. No one can. There is a bond between Indian males and doing what their parents want that can’t be broken. It is duty to them. The only feedback I can give you is that at least this was just a six-month courtship. It sounds like you developed feelings but it probably won’t take long to get past them (in comparison, I was with my guy for two years; he would have continued had I not confronted him).

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them. This guy is not going to change. You are never going to get closure. I know this won’t help you now, but I guarantee that a year from now, you will be thankful it ended when it did.

    I wish you well. I know this hurts.

    I would recommend the following:

    – Google “arranged marriage” and “TinyBuddha” for other topics that came up regarding this.

    – Check out this website: http://madh-mama.blogspot.com/2015/07/when-your-indian-boyfriend-leaves-you_31.html

    There are thousands of stories just like ours online. No one ever has the answers.

    #238111
    Laden
    Participant

    Thanks Michelle, your words are comforting. I’m sorry you had to go through that. South-Asian parents can have such wild expectations but the mind-boggling part is when the kids go along with their crazy ideas. That’s why I was surprised my boyfriend would break up with me to satisfy her. But I think we both lucked out. If they can’t stand up for us before marriage, why would we even want to marry such immature boys? Marriage in South-Asian culture is more than marriage to him- it’s to his family too. So trust me, you lucked out from a difficult situation.  I know I did too. His mom sounds like a nightmare.

    #238193
    Lakra
    Participant

    You deserve better. Find someone who cares about you and not your father´s problem.

    What i learned – it´s not enough if only one person is willing to put in the work. You dodged a bullet there probably.

    There´s no point asking yourself why he has no backbone. Its only important that he wasted your time. Something you wont get back. Learn from it and be diligent the next time you choose someone for courting.

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