Shelby,

Thank you! The raise did come as a surprise as I only took this job on in late August on a temporary/part-time basis as I was recovering from the aftermath of my trauma and left the country for a month. The project was due to finish in December and upon my review meeting with my boss yesterday he offered me a raise and a permanent position – I am pleased to say the least! I do enjoy my job and it is like a big weight lifted off my shoulders to know that I will be more stable financially to cope on my own in a couple of months time!

I know exactly what you mean by hanging in there with work because you weren’t sure on where exactly you are headed with your ex. Gosh are we the same person or what?! I too work all my plans along my ex’s! If he had to move half way across the country I would happily leave my job to follow him, but would he do the same for me? I highly doubt it! As we’re on the topic of the future, do you think your current job would allow you to go independent without the support of another? The idea of a move is stressful and daunting but I am kind of glad that I have been pushed into this corner and have to face up to it as it is going to be a completely new chapter of my life. Something to look forward to in the future, on my own.. It makes the idea of a ‘future’ a little bit less unknown as I am aware this will be happening. Maybe something like that would be good for you also? I know you mention that there aren’t many prospects in this company at the moment. Is there anything better that you could look for in your field?

Listen, you’ve done the cold turkey no contact thing for so long, even if you crack it’s not the end of the world. I think its a completely alien concept to think that you can go for years loving, caring and planning your whole life around one person and the next go to being complete strangers, not thinking about them or wanting to reach out. The up and down, the thoughts, the on and off txting is all a part of this process. When you do want to reach out to him, think about the reasons behind this. What is it you want to say? What is it that you want to hear from him? Will you actually hear those things from him? What is your communication going to change?

Also, I know I have asked you this before but just wanted to ask again. Now you’re 10 or so weeks post break up, realistically, what would your response be if your ex contacted you now and said he wants to reconcile?

I think maybe you have a point on self fulfilling prophecies. I am definitely giving him a very hard time at the moment, but I can’t help it. I was always a very secure woman up until the summer.. Now I don’t even recognise myself. His past behaviour, the way he walked away from me the first time, all the mind games etc are causing my insecurities to creep up on me and I turn into a real needy mess almost demanding reassurance right that second otherwise I go off on one.. I realise this is natural and there are reasons behind this but I truly hate the person that I am. Even more so, I see more and more reasons as to why we shouldn’t be together but yet it STILL isn’t enough for me to walk away!!!!!!!!!!! This makes me so angry!!!!!!! It is soooo much easier when he walked, because then I can just sulk but have to deal with it, but when it’s in my hands its almost as though I can’t bare to carry the weight of that decision because ‘what if?’…

I know birthdays and special occasions are tough, remember when I went through it back in October?! I did not enjoy one moment of it and frankly I am so glad the day came and went as quickly as it did. It may not be enjoyable, but try to remember that you will be surrounded by people that love and care about you. I hope the day comes and goes quickly for you too and that 2019 has a better birthday in store for you! (I’m hoping the same for me!)

Have you got much planned for your week off then?!