Dear Turtle:

Reads to  me that you got scared and then angry at him, and then aggressive, picking fights with him, repeatedly: “I told him I was scared of getting hurt… my own fear and insecurities would take over and I would pick fights with him… the whole time I was worried he  was  going to leave me”. Then you moved houses and started a new job and got more fearful, so you “started fighting”, again.

But the  whole time with him he didn’t give you a reason to be scared of him. Problem is your aggression scared him, so… you gave him a reason to  fear you.

It is  oh, so very common that fear turns to  anger, it happens in nature, other animals. They get scared of danger then get angry so to fight the danger. So you saw danger in him that wasn’t  really  there and you got angry. And then you fought.

I suppose you felt scared and weak, that is how you felt. But when he saw you angry and fighting, he didn’t see scared-and-weak, he saw angry and strong. Think of  his perspective.

What do you think/ feel?

anita