About 12 months ago I was out with some friends and I met a guy, we had such a great time and gave he gave me his number. We started chatting every other day and it was an amazing connection. He asked me out and I just didn’t think I was relationship material, eventually I agreed to go out with him. He booked dinner, picked me up and we had an amazing time. over the following months we shared some very special times and three months in he asked me to be his girlfriend. I told him I was scared of getting hurt and he needed to ensure that this was exactly what he wanted. He is often anxious and insecure so I didn’t want him asking me to be his girlfriend out of insecurity.

From my perspective, this guy made me the happiest I have ever been and I failed to tell him that in a way that he would understand. There were a number of times he did things that I didn’t agree with an I would put my feelings aside because I knew how much I cared for him and it wasn’t a big deal. BUT my own fear and insecurities would take over and I would pick fights with him, he told me he didn’t want to fight with him and he just wants to be happy. The whole time I was worried he was going to leave me a fear of rejection and abandonment.

He would also talk to me about the future, meeting the parents and our lift together, trips overseas and in my head and heart I thought he was going to one. The way we felt together, our talks about the future, the way nothing else mattered because he was in my life.

I was going through a challenging time in my life moved houses and started  a new job which i didn’t like. We started fighting and I told him I don’t want to see him for 14 days, he didn’t like that as he constantly needs attention. I tried to explain myself and he told me that it was over. He said he wants to be happy and that he gets anxiety that he is constantly letting me down. I asked if we could work on it and he said he didn’t want to try because he doesn’t want the hurt again in the future if it didn’t work out. For the first few days we were talking after the break up and he was crying the whole time. 3 weeks later he dropped my stuff back and he spent another 2.5 hours crying in my arms. We then didn’t speak for a while.

About a month ago I reached out to him and we started chatting, I wanted to see him and so we were going to catch up. He bailed on me twice. We were constantly messaging almost every minute of the day joking, flirting and just living. Eventually he asked if I wanted to have dinner. we met for dinner and again it was amazing, we were having so much fun laughing and carrying on and then we had dinner and went to a bar. Eventually things turned back, he started calling me his friend, saying he didn’t know what we wanted out of catching up, saying there is nothing going to aping and then he started crying at the bar. We went outside and he told me he was dating someone else and that he is confused about everything. We both ended up crying and it was really say. He then kissed me and I kissed him back – it was kind of perfect. I knew this had to stop so because of out it turned out I said I had to leave and I didn’t want to speak to him again so i walked away.

Four days went by and I didn’t hear from him, so I messaged him telling him how i felt he told me he missed me and enjoyed hanging out and its all confusing but he just wants to be friends. I am finding it really hard to get over him, it has been 5 months and there seems to be such a big emotional connection (any physical) but it isn’t enough for him. He said he has his own stuff to deal with which is why he ran away, i just don’t understand how he can say that than start dating other people.

He obviously has a lot of issues which I understand but it feels like he wants to be with me but he cant for what ever reason. this makes me feel not worthy enough for him. I want to cry all the time and I miss him so much. I want to let go of him and move forward so I am practising meditation and have booked in for an energetic healing session.  Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with something like this, i know i cant force him to be with me, should I just settle for friends.