Hi Shelby,

I think I understand how painful this breakup is for you. Each element associated with it is devastating for you and it’s difficult to accept them all at once. Maybe you can work on accepting each individually:

1. You miss the man. Did your earlier breakup occur for the same reasons as this one, and did the reconciliation happen because you had reached a point where simply being with this great guy was more important to you than moving the relationship forward? Have you reached that point again now? (I realize that may no longer be an option for you.)

2. Being single again at age 36. You see your girlfriends marrying in their twenties/thirties with babies arriving soon after that. Feels like everyone is coupled up, that you’ll never meet a good single guy because all the good ones are taken. Well, all the good ones are not taken. There are ALWAYS good single guys out there. No matter what age you are, there are guys looking for meaningful relationships with good women. Guys in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and older (some are divorced) looking for the right girl. These days there’s no longer a stigma associated with delaying marriage or not marrying at all. People do it for so many reasons (career, personal convictions, etc.) As for the biological clock thing, many women today preserve their fertility by freezing their eggs. You can do that! Maybe explore that option and then relax about your age.

3. Being rejected by someone you love. This is really hard. People talk about others having “rejection issues” but don’t we all have them really? Who’s good at being rejected anyway? This is where it may be helpful to say “he’s choosing not to be with me” out loud and know you’ll be okay with whatever feelings that come up, like I described in the earlier post. Bottom line is we all need to find a way to get up, dust ourselves off, move forward, learn what we can from the situation and become the best versions of ourselves that we can be. It’s tough, I know. Every day, maybe several times a day, say “he’s choosing not to be with me” and feel it. Practice acceptance. You’ll be okay.

4. What other ways is this breakup affecting you?

B