Valora, thank you for your response. You have no idea how much I appreciate it in this moment. And thanks for sharing your unique perspective built on your past experiences. I agree with so much of what you said.

On the topic of marriage counselling and therapy (for her), I have suggested both and the idea is met with a lot of resistance. Especially couples counselling. We actually discussed it over the weekend and she feels like they’re just going to “convince her to make it work.” That response initially bothered me a lot, but with further reflection, I think it just means she’s scared she’ll be talked into staying and wind up unhappy for the rest of her life.

I’m with you on the meaning of the commitment of marriage. Her response to me making that case was that she didn’t realize she’d ever feel like this. :-/

So, initially, I had started down the path of trying to “win her back” with a return to how we used to be. I set up a few date nights, bought flowers, tried to be charming/flirty. She actually gets irritated with it. I think she feels like it’s forced? Most recently I set up a plan for our kids to be taken care of for a week in March, and I was setting up a pressure-free vacation for us. It wasn’t supposed to be romantic or anything, just an opportunity to have time together away from day-to-day life. She declined, and said she didn’t want to go with me. Ouch, what a gut punch.

Anyways, I feel like I’m going on and on about all of this. It’s just that I’m deeply struggling with how to interpret everything. She’s still “here” and hasn’t actually said she wants this to be over, only that she doesn’t know. So it’s better than it could be but I feel like I’m wearing so dang thin.

So my short term goals are to try and just focus on each day, to stop talking so much about where we’re at, and to try and get her to talk to somebody…anybody. She hasn’t even talked to her mom about what’s going on, and they’re normally pretty close. I find that it all so strange. And I’d also like to have the conversation again about whether we’ve really “tried everything” and that we owe it to ourselves and to the kids. I hate having to plead my case but I feel like it needs to be said.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply, I appreciate it.