Dear Kay – I just want to give you a hug. You have not been treated well and I can understand your hesitations. Do not give in to “hook up culture” though. It is not worth it. It will further dehumanize you. You are not a commodity. You are a human being with feelings, deserving of respect and love.

I’m a little bit older than you and I find relationships these days really hard. Prior to my current one (which is going well), I had some bad experiences just like you. I was sexually assaulted by someone (my friends say it was rape). I also made the mistake of meeting up with him again afterwards because a) I was in denial that he would do that and wanted those good feelings of when we first met to return; this was me naively believing in the good in everyone; and, b) I didn’t want to identify as a victim of it. We shouldn’t hold this responsibility though. You did nothing wrong to either of these men. Don’t ever believe this is normal. Don’t ever accept it.