Hello Anita. Maybe, I know when someone who I dont like gives me empathy and kindness, I am not able to return it. Like I am bad person. Maybe it all sources out of my self-hatred. Maybe I am just bad. I am ungrateful person.  It is like I am just using other people to my favor. And thats the thing. I hate myself for being like that. When I really like somebody, Ill do anything for them, but that happened like maybe twice in my short lifetime. And see? My procrastination and laziness just lets me complain here but any patience or persistence or motivation to change my behavior? non existent.